BTW

My new favorite fun thing to say for no reason: Blog fodder. (see end of yesterday's post)

If you use it just for the sound itself, it works well as a curse word substitute. Handy if you happen to have given that up for Lent. Or, it also works as a dismissive. Instead of "Whatever" or "Bygones." "Eh, blog fodder."

Nice, no?

It also takes the place of my former favorite Fun Thing to Say for No Reason: Coup plotter

As in, someone plotting a coup d'etat. I heard it in a news story on NPR a few years ago in reference to some former Soviet country. You can't deny how fun it is to say. And the fact that it's a term with fairly serious implications yet sounds kind of silly only adds to the enjoyment... coup plotter, coup plotter, coup plotter, coup plotter...

Anyway. One of the many things that endeared me to the show My Boys is that one of the characters has a similar fascination and as kind of a running joke will occasionally be heard repeating a word or two to himself while other characters are talking. It's hard to explain... let's just say it's nice to have a dorky role model on television and leave it at that...

I know. It's probably not inspiring you to watch, is it?

Damn. Blog fodder.

Math I Enjoy

+

=

one very adorable Sunday evening

Temptation

Clinton Kelly is in our fair city this evening. Well... in a wretched sprawling suburb south of the city, but close enough to tempt me to stalk him...

I would refer to Clinton as my SGB (Green Girl has already staked her claim on Neil Patrick Harris, so I had to move on to someone else :)) but he's never made that a public issue and I don't want to be speculative since, you know, it's really none of my business to begin with...

So instead... I will only say that Stacey London - in addition to having the best hair and taste in clothes on television - has the most awesome job, in part, because she gets to work with Mr. Kelly. They are hilarious together, and now that I can finally watch "The Daily Show" on-line, "What Not to Wear" remains the last, lingering reason I miss cable television. Sniff.

I keep their "rules" in my mind whenever I'm shopping - or hell, even getting dressed most days. I don't think I'm bad enough to warrant being put on their show, but fall brings with it items that I really, really want to buy but know I shouldn't. This week has been particularly hard as I've been extra tempted to stray in hopes that it would trigger some sort of signal and dispatch him to my rescue. (Been readin' too much Twilight maybe? Uh yeah, I think so...)

Yooooou hooooo.... Clinnnnntoooon... look what I'm about to buy:

Chunky sweaters that will create a bulkier sillouette....

Low, square-heeled boots with a non-pointy toe that will make me look even shorter...

Turtlenecks instead of V-necks that will make me look too boxy...

And Clogs! And Flannel! And Cordorouy! Oh My!

Hurry, quick, before it's too late!

(I'm headed to Macy's at lunch. I'll let you know if it actually works...)

A Bittersweet Day

I think it's safe to say I've been waiting for this day for eight years. At the same time, for a different reason, it's a day I had hoped wouldn't happen for several more years. The two aren't really connected as far as most people can see, I guess. But, in my heart they are.


1. "Democracy is not a spectator sport"

I love to vote. I live for tradition and ritual. It's fairly safe to say that I'm a sap. A proud sap, indeed. My love of voting comes from a love of country as well as a love of state, city and community. When voting in my first presidential election, while in college in Ohio, I made the extra effort to vote absentee in Tennessee. I wasn't going to let my first presidential vote count for any other state. I also made one of my roommates, a Republican, sign as my witness that I voted for Bill Clinton and Al Gore. My love of voting, country, state and city also includes love of irritating the beejeezus out of any Republicans still willing to claim me as a friend or relative.

To mark the occasion I re-watched the Northern Exposure episode "Democracy in America." The quote from this title comes from this episode as does this (from my beloved Cicely radio personality, Chris "in the Morning" Stevens, of course):

"Today every runny nose I see says 'America' to me. We were outcasts, scum, the wretched debris of a hostile, aging world. But we came here, we built roads, we built industry, powerful institutions. Of course along the way... we basically stained our star spangled banner with a host of sins that can never be washed clean. But today we're here to celebrate the glorious aspect of our past. A tribute to a nation of free people. The country that Whitman exalted:

'The genius of the United States is not best or most in its executives or legislators, nor in its ambassadors or authors or colleges or churches or parlors or even in its newspapers or inventors, but always most in the common people.'

I must go out now and fill my lungs with the deep clean air of Democracy."


2. "He Will Always Be My Coach"

I haven't been writing about football much this year, but there hasn't been much to write about that was good. And I spend enough time on here griping and complaining already and goodness knows that there are plenty of other people out there on the interwebs running their mouths with their opinions about what's gone wrong and what should be done. My love and devotion to my state and my team isn't any less, I just didn't want to add my negativity to the mix.

Yesterday, however, Tennessee Head Football Coach, Phillip Fulmer, announced that he would not be returning next season. I don't know what to say. On the one hand I'm not surprised. On the other I am heartbroken. Much like my post a few weeks ago comparing the destruction of Yankee Stadium to a greater dysfunction in our culture, I think this speaks to much the same. I don't know for a fact, but I have a pretty good feeling that on election day, Coach Fulmer and I would not be in agreement, but this I do know:

Coach Fulmer is from Winchester, Tennessee. He was a student and football player at the University of Tennessee and played his first game in 1969. As an adult he was an assistant coach for Tennessee and then has spent the last 17 years as the head coach. His record today is 150-51. During the height of his career in the 90s, his record is 75-5. Student athlete after student athlete has praised Coach Fulmer over the years for mentoring them, for helping them through difficult times, and for being the father that some of them never had.

These days his record is not as good and it has been extremely disappointing. Yes, you could maybe argue that he's off his game. He's past his prime. He's too stubborn and unwilling to change with the times. But you can't argue that he's not a good coach. And more importantly, that he's not a good man, because his love of our state and our university and the boys that come to play for him is undeniable. Many of the people that have been calling for Coach Fulmer to resign are the same people that I spoke of in my earlier post. Those who don't value tradition or history. You're not going to find a new coach with the same knowledge and respect for being a Tennessee Volunteer that Coach Fulmer has. And maybe we'll win more games, but we also may lose a top five recruiting class who is already committed to Tennessee in the face of dismal season because of the kind of person they see in Coach Fulmer. I guess we'll have to see.

There are all kinds of things being written about this right now that have touched my sappy heart and that I'm sure I'll be bombarding you with at a later date. But I think Peyton Manning has said all that needs to be said for now.

"This is a sad day for the Tennessee family. Nobody loves the University of Tennessee more than Coach Fulmer... I will always be indebted to him for the impact he has made on my life and my football career. I know I speak for hundreds of players when I say it was an honor to have played for him at UT. I am fortunate to have played four years for one of the greatest coaches in the history of college football. His legacy at Tennessee will be that he built men and won championships. He will always be my coach."

Adorableness to Beat the Band

Last night I fell asleep around 9:30. I have a feeling one or both of these things may be the cause:

• Impending-Armageddon-Induced Insomnia (I mean really, did you think yesterday's crazy rant was done at a normal hour??)
  
  
• The peace that came with finally seeing Jim and Pam get engaged on "The Office." (Adorable, yes, but the Pennsylvania Turnpike? Seriously? I think we all deserved a little better than that.)

I woke up a little before midnight and couldn't go back to sleep so I checked in on the man who has lately been giving my affection for Jon Stewart a little competition. Craig Ferguson. If you've never watched his show, I recommend watching, taping, DVRing, Tivoing, or YouTubing - whichever your pleasure. He's just great. Nothing is scripted - the monologues or the interviews. Sometimes that means there's a lot of mediocre rambling, but even at those times he's better than a lot of rehearsed talk show hosts. Plus, he says what he thinks, doesn't mince words and yet he's still really nice about it. Oh. And. There's the Scottish accent. Definitely adorable.

Last night I hit the mother load. Tim Gunn from "Project Runway" was his first guest. "Project Runway" is definitely in the Top Five of what I miss not having cable and Mr. Gunn is one of the biggest reasons. He's a lot like Craig Ferguson - he's hilarious, he's brilliant, he's direct and says what he thinks and yet he's so nice about it. Turns out the two men are each a big fan of the other's show and their conversation together was so damn adorable I could barely stand it.

In case you haven't picked up on it - I have two main weaknesses when it comes to the opposite sex: an accent from the British Isles and a smart, dry-witted, gay man.

A little insight as to why I'm still single? Perhaps.

Here's the clip, thanks to YouTube. It's a bit long, but worth it to get to the end when they talk about Diane von Furstenburg. So great.

And really. Even if you don't care anything about either of them or their shows, it's refreshing watch two intelligent people carry on an articulate conversation without the use of teleprompters or sound bites.

So I'm now off to a bar to watch the debates and guessing that my warm and fuzzy Gunn/Ferguson feeling won't last much longer.

Happy Friday!

Well if He isn't, He Should Be

From the New York Times Duh Section:

"Is Jon Stewart the Most Trusted Man in America?"

It's been noted in writing here at least once and in my conversations with anyone who will still listen to me without rolling their eyes (a small, but tolerant clan) that no other man on the planet achieves the level of smart AND funny (and cute) that Jon Stewart does. No one. And I stand by this by saying that if I ever get a raise again, it will go to getting cable back in my house just so I can watch "The Daily Show." So yeah, I'll tack on "most trusted" to that list of adjectives as well.

But seriously, read the article, it's a substantial and well-written piece full of brilliant and hilarious quotes from him ("Mr. Stewart has said he is looking forward to the end of the Bush administration 'as a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal'"). Not to mention a photo that is going to give my This Old House poster a little competition...

Olympic Observations

I have been good and taking my pictures and thinking of summer-related essay topics, but the first week of August all I did was work and last week all I did was work and watch the Olympics so I'm two installments behind. But I can't help it. Work stuff aside, I'm an Olympics geek. Normally I have a slight preference to the winter games, but during the last summer Olympics I was painting my kitchen cabinets. It was just me and Bob Costas for howevermany weeks painting and sanding and learning the minutiae about every athlete. So this year I feel like I'm being reunited with a lot of old friends. I'll get back to my summer assignment shortly, but to get the typing fingers limbered up again...

1. I am not tired - nor will I tire any time soon - of Michael Phelps coverage. Run him into the ground all you want to NBC, I can take it. Dooce named him to her top five list of male celebrities - twice - and I would have to agree with her. I did do the math first though and while it isn't entirely impossible, I am not realistically old enough to be his mother. So I feel okay in going on and on about him. What is it exactly? Is it that he is both terribly hot and adorably dorky all at the same time? Or that he is hottest WITH the swim cap on. What other human even looks good - let alone BETTER - with a swim cap on? He needs another gold just for that. Or that when asked if he was going to get to enjoy the rest of his time at the Olympics, he said he was, but that he did want to get home soon because he missed his dog. That would have made ten gold medals if I were judging.

2. Speaking of swimming... it's been well-established that I am not a flag-draped, "U-S-A" chanting patriot. I get just as excited for other countries when they do well in the Olympics. But when our men's relay team came from behind and beat those snarky, trash-talking, little Frenchie bastards it was almost like I was nine years old again watching the US beat the Soviets in hockey. Not quite - but still pretty damn good. It was made all the better when they showed such good sportsmanship and class and walked directly over to the French team after the race and shook their hands. Makes me want to wear one of those Uncle Sam hats. Okay, not really...

3. One of the many things that keep me from being a flag-draped, "U-S-A" chanting patriot is someone like the women's pole vaulting coach. If I could hand Michael Phelps gold medals for Wearing a Swim Cap Hotly and Total Adorableness for Missing His Dog, then I would so award this dude golds for Extreme Jack-Assedry and Being a Serious Tool. An American pole-vaulter-woman comes in second, losing only to what is apparently the Greatest Female Pole-Vaulter in the Known Universe Ever. After winning silver, she goes over to her coach in the stands - and he berates her! And he's mic'ed so the entire NBC viewing audience gets to listen as he says things like "When you can't even do [pole-vaulty lingo] what do you think is going to happen!?! All you get is silver! That's what happens!" Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I'd be such an arrogant and condescending pig toward a woman who carries around a giant pole for a living...

4. There are a lot of adjectives to describe gymnastics. Funny and refreshing usually don't make the list though. It's always so serious. Everything is so dire and intense. But with the scrappy US men's team's jubilation in working toward an unexpected bronze medal and Bela Karolyi getting all riled up about underage Chinese and bad judging, gymnastics has been a breath of fresh air. I love it when people on camera stop with all the pretense. So many other times we have to endure people who are disappointed WITH A SILVER MEDAL or are so prepped and rehearsed about what to say on camera that it gets to be tiresome. But when the guy on the men's team turned to the camera and genuinely and excitedly shouted "Bronze medal, baby! That's how we roll!" or when Karolyi in one of his tirades kept shouting "ez repoof!" (is ripoff) about the judging of the women's vault - I was cracking up.

5. There have been several "celebrity" deaths this spring and summer that have really affected me. They each seemed to be a genuinely good person who went about doing what they loved with passion but without a lot of fanfare. Most famously in the news have been Tim Russert and Bernie Mac. And even though I didn't know them, I really do miss them. But while watching the Olympics I have also been missing Jim McKay. For my whole childhood he was the voice of the Olympics (not to mention the Kentucky Derby). I can hear his voice and see his golden blazer perfectly in mind. NBC has covered the Olympics for a while now and in general I think they kind of suck at it (even though I do admit to having a geeky crush on Bob Costas). No one did the Olympics like ABC and that was mostly because of Jim McKay. He would have really gotten a kick out of Michael Phelps, the men's gymnastics team, and Bela Karolyi. Plus I'm pretty sure he would have had a few choice - but tactful - words for the French relay team and that pole-vaulting coach.

Have I Mentioned...

1. That I'm in the process of tearing out my living room ceiling?

It's an older home with a plaster ceiling that, back when it was a rental house/crack den, the former owner/slum lord had - in lieu of just drywalling over it or (God forbid) repairing the plaster - nailed panelling over it and then glued ugly little paperboard ceiling tiles to the panelling ('Cause what? JUST panelling would have been tacky?). So last week my brother and I ripped down the tile and panelling and over the weekend I began ripping out the damaged plaster and lathe.

The plan was to rip all of it out - good plaster and bad plaster - and then take a gander at what the exposed ceiling looked like to see if we could leave it all cool and groovy and exposed and put in a ceiling fan and other things... But of course it turns out that we can't even put in a ceiling fan because the house that I was told had up-to-date wiring only has up-to-date wiring for one outlet so that it would pass codes. The rest is all knob-and-how-the-hell-hasn't-my-house-burned-to-the-ground-yet-tube-wiring. PLUS, the space above the ceiling is also woefully lacking in insulation and what is there is this ancient black, sooty crap that comes crashing down on your head during demolition and embeds into your pores. So now that I'm going to have to pay to have the whole room rewired AND have experienced the joy of what I would look like if I worked in a mine, the plan has been revised from cool and groovy to just patch it, drywall it and lets move along... Grrr....

I do, however, have a very odd crush on the guys from This Old House (Nahhm, Tahhm, Rahhgahh, Richahhd, and cutie host, Kevin O'Conner) and am wondering if they might consider venturing out from their beloved New England to come down South for a little house repair / cultural exchange. They could do something crafty with my living room and I could cook them grits and okra, teach them how to say y'all correctly, and sing a few bars of "Coal Miner's Daughter." It would be lovely. (Yes, I know, I wouldn't begin to know how to cook grits. Or okra. Or sing. Humor me!)

Who knew that one day my Shaun Cassidy poster
would have competition like this?

2. I'm going to be walking 60 miles in October.

Yeah. Seriously. The things I get myself into... If you're a long-time reader, or have lots of free time, you might have read/remember my inaugural post last year about going to see my Aunt Jean and our friend, Lynn, in the Atlanta 3-Day walk to fight breast cancer. Somehow, as I'm still not sure exactly how, I was coerced :) into walking this year. I'm actually very glad I'm doing it - it just all seems to be a little daunting at times. It does sound more enjoyable than home renovation at the moment though, so I guess everything is relative...

Anyway... we formed a team - Jean, Lynn, my mom and me - and have been training for several weeks now. And we've got our own website / blog. AND we have to raise money. So, if you're interested in visiting our site (or maybe even donating a little something) - go to FourWomenWalk.blogspot.com. If you're interested in learning more about the event, click here. And, most importantly, if you or someone close to you has been affected by breast cancer and you would like to add their name to the list of women we are walking in honor, and in memory of, I would love nothing more than to add their name to our site and probably to a T-shirt of some kind when we get closer to the event.

So, that's the news from this end of the world. Anything unexpected in yours??

Chickens Just Back from the Shore

On the list of things I find annoying, the Feist counting song / iPod commercial and the new format of Sesame Street would both be on there somewhere. Not as high on the list as say drivers not using their turn signals, gladiator sandals, or Kenny Chesney. But annoying nonetheless.

Anyway... I've mentioned before how the Feist tune is catchy but irritates me. And as for Sesame Street, well, let's just say I'm a Sesame Street purist. Before the format change I was known to watch it from time to time even as a childless adult (what else are you supposed to do on a sick day?). I own the behind-the-scenes book, Sesame Street: Unpaved. "Ladybug Picnic" is one of the ringtones on my cell phone. I hate Elmo. I am old-school. I can't help it. I'm a child of the 70's. It's sacred. Just like Star Wars. And if you monkey around with it too much it's sacrilege. So this newer, Elmo-centric, monotonous, not-clever, not-funny Sesame Street is exactly that. Sacrilege.

But redemption is always possible, my friends. And so I give you a sneak preview into the 2008 season of Sesame Street and probably one of the more adorable things I've seen in a while:



I also read that James Blunt will be on at some point this season to lament the loss of his favorite shape in "My Triangle." If I ever get wind of a Kenny Chesney/Elmo duet though, it may be the end of me.

P.S. All of this made me want to see REM singing "Furry Happy Monsters" and lo and behold, it is on YouTube as well:



Happy Wednesday!!

The Boys of Summer

A certain blogger, familar to this site, recently announced to me that I will be going to see Sex and the City again next month.

But until then, for my viewing enjoyment, I will have the also-enjoyable BizzaroCarrie and her very un-Sex and the City-like friends: P.J. Franklin and the boys of "My Boys". Yay.

I don't quite know what it is about this show, but I luuuuuuuve it. So very much.

Have you seen it? It's adorable. And really funny. P.J. is tomboyish, a writer, and blond and skinny, of course. Almost all of her friends are guys. They drink beer and play board games and watch sports at their neighborhood tavern. And they drink beer and play poker at her apartment - a fabulous Chicago apartment that, as a newspaper sports writer, she totally couldn't afford in real life but that you enjoy nonetheless.

So hey, just like my life! Well, ummm... I think I have the tomboyish thing down. Most of my friends are (gay) guys. But we do often drink beer at our neighborhood tavern. Only it's more dive bar than tavern. And we talk about, well, Sex and the City and anything else BUT sports. And while I'm completely in favor of playing poker, it's mostly just me drinking diet coke and playing fetch with my dogs at my house - a slightly ramshackled East Nashville cottage that I too totally can't afford in real life, but that I enjoy nonetheless. So yeah... uh... just like my life....

But seriously... I enjoy suspending reality and logic for some shows, but it's a nice change to see something more relatable on television. Plus, "My Boys" is a single-camera sitcom - so no studio audience or obnoxious laugh track. It's really well-written and quick-witted - so no annoying one-liners or slap-stick. I admit that the voice overs with the constant sports analogies get a bit tiresome, but much like Carrie talking directly at the camera in the first season of SATC, I'm guessing that aspect has probably been axed.

The season premiere is tonight at 8:30c/9:30e on TBS or online at tbs.com. You can watch old episodes there too. Enjoy!

Won't You Wear a Sweater?

I think this may be the cutest, dorkiest, most awesomest, nerdiest, wonderful thing I've ever seen and I'm so sad I didn't know about it earlier:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVeyLr2fGNA

It's all part of the celebration in Pittsburgh of the 40th anniversary of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood and what would have been Mr. Rogers' 80th birthday.

http://www.fci.org/NeighborDays/index.asp

I didn't wear my favorite sweater today, but it is a cardigan.

To make up for it I will be sure to change into sneakers first thing when I get home.

Somebody's Been Hanging Out at the SAE House

One of my fellow sorority sisters, Dawn Wells, was caught with pot in her car.

Tsk, tsk, Mary Ann.

Can we earn a pearl in our lyre pin for drug trafficing?

No. No, we can't.

But I kid. And if I were better at Photoshop and had, well, some actual free time I would alter the palm frond in that picture into something much more amusing.

Which reminds me... didn't Bob Denver get busted for the same thing many years ago? And at the time, didn't the police suspect that she was his source?

No wonder they could never figure out how to get off that island...

Oscar Night

Last night two fellow alumni / turkey vultures presented awards and another one was nominated.

Not too shabby.

The irony that I witnessed all of this while sitting in my pajamas and paying bills - including my student loan payment - was not lost on me.

Also... the main song from my much-loved movie, Once, was nominated. And when they sang the song onstage during the ceremony, I did NOT burst into tears. Yea me. I did get a teeny bit choked up though.

A few minutes later they won. Then I burst into tears. Then the doofus orchestra conductor started the damn music right after the guy spoke and before the girl could say anything. Then the host and my major celebrity crush, Jon Stewart, came on after the commercial and said she should get to come back on stage and give her speech. Swoon. Then she did and it was so sweet and heartfelt. Then yeah, I burst into tears again.

I will say that I'm an easy crier, but seriously, PEOPLE NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Katie's not an easy crier like I am, but she will agree with me.

I think that's about all I've got on this awards season. Except:

• The red dress was quite popular this evening. I would say too many people have the same stylist, but someone how I doubt Helen Mirren and Miley Cyrus share the same help.
  
• The best actress French chick was really cute when she won, but she was so tiny that I was afraid Forrest Whitaker was going to snap her in half when she hugged him.
  
• I'm not a big jewelry person, but Nicole Kidman had on a seriously cool and crazy long diamond necklace. It looked like she forgot about her new pregnancy boobs though because the necklace got caught around one of them while she was introducing the honorary Oscar guy, but she didn't seem to really notice.
  
• Harrison Ford wears an earring. Really? If he wanted to look younger /closer to Calista's age, couldn't he have just started wearing the shagging boy bangs like Tom Cruise does? It doesn't work, but it would look slightly less ridiculous.
  
• If I'd had to present or accept an award at this thing with Jon Stewart standing off to the side and George Clooney sitting in the front row, I probably would have passed out.

Good thing I had absolutely nothing to worry about. Whew. Crisis averted.

Hello, Travelocity?

I don't know that last night's episode of LOST will go down as one of the greatest. It certainly didn't have me on the edge of my seat like most weeks. I will say, however, that it was one of those episodes that stuck around in my head and then popped up with a couple of revelations several hours later.

Me, right after the episode ended: "Huh?!? Interesting."

Me, right as I was about to fall asleep: "Whoa! Wait a second.... then that means.... but what if.... or maybe.... hmmm...."

Mark of great story telling? Or that I'm a bit slow on the uptake?

Probably both.

And I don't know about you, but what's up with Other Village?

Quaint yellow cottages. Mountain views. Not far from the beach. Boxed wine. Xanadu.

Do they take reservations?

Week in Review - a Postscript

Saturday - My Karma has a Pretty Quick Turnaround
A gorgeous day - chilly and windy but sunny - and I spent a good chunk of it outside walking one of my dogs (trying to walk them both at the same time - while comical to watch - is not a lot of fun for me). Now I am sick with a cold. Further proving my theory that exercise is bad for you.

Sunday - Brief Rally in the Name of "Literature"
Not even a Sudafed stupor could keep me from Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy (Part 1). But apparently the much-referenced Mr. Darcy wet shirt scene from Bridget Jones, the Edge of Reason (the book, NOT the movie) is not until next week.

Week in Review

It has been an odd few days. Full of ups and downs and what-the's and huh's. Weather, work, sports, politics, television, you name it. Frankly, it's been more than my big melon head can grasp and therefore had to be helped along by a couple of cocktails last night.

Sunday - Super Bowl.
How the hell did that happen? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I have great love and admiration for the Manning family and enjoy that the SEC continues to rise to the top even in the pros. I'd also like to point out that the last two Superbowl champion quarterbacks aren't just brothers, they also had the same assistant/head coach, David Cutcliffe. Duke, you might want to pay attention.

Monday - An enjoyable day at work.
Huh? Well, it wasn't for my regular job, so that might explain things a bit. Turns out it makes a difference in a person's overall mental health to be treated like they are capable and competent and told that they're appreciated. Fascinating. Who knew?

Tuesday - Emotional rollercoaster.

• 8:00 am - I get to vote! What's better is I get to choose between two candidates that I genuinely like and think would do a great job.
• 6:30 pm - The Republicans in my state look like they're finally going to remove their collective heads from their collective asses and NOT vote for the guy who freely admits he doesn't believe in evolution. My faith in society (or at least the conservative part of my state's society) has been restored!
• 6:32 pm - Oh wait... no... they did anyway... Huckabee wins Tennessee. Heads and faith back to original position, please.
• 7:00 pm - It's Shrove Tuesday / Fat Tuesday / Pancake Night at church (YEA!), but I'm too tired from my day to drag my lazy ass out of the house in time to get both pancakes AND watch basketball at my mother's house. So I choose basketball (BOO! Well, God says BOO, I say sometimes you have to choose between church and the Vols and that God should be understanding and sing Rocky Top instead)
• 8:00 pm - Tennessee men's basketball team is looking pretty awful against Florida.
• 9:15 pm - Tornado sirens start going off and our county goes under a tornado warning. I sit in the bathroom for half an hour with my sister-in-law and niece and occasionally my brother, who pops in every so often to give us updates on the game. See, I'm not the only one. Church vs. the Vols. Mother Nature vs. Vols. Sometimes you have to make choices.
• 9:45 pm - Tennessee comes back and puts a serious smackdown on Florida.
• 10:30 pm - I go home and sit in the 3ft x 5ft /only interior/non-windowed part of my house with two dogs and watch the news as multiple tornadoes destroy portions of my state and kill many people.

Wednesday - Ash Wednesday.
Too tired and upset from the previous night to get much done, but also don't make it to Ash Wednesday service like I should. God can legitimately boo me on this one.

Thursday - Margaritas and LOST.
Drinks first and then watched a tape of LOST. And, unlike the Republican primary in my state, it actually does restore my faith a bit (LOST, not the tequila). In our society of really horrible and dumbed-down everything - books, music, television, movies and presidential administrations - this continues to be one of the most complex, fascinating and intelligent pieces of anything I've seen my country produce in a very long time. I shouldn't get all verklempt about a television show, but sometimes you have to take what you can get. The tequila's not bad either.

Friday - Penalty Bulldogs: Unstatesmanlike Conduct.
Some yahoo state legislator in Georgia wants to redraw the Tennessee / Georgia border a mile further north and just coincidentally (I'm sure) to the banks of the Tennessee River. What? You've sucked dry all of your own water PLUS all that you've stolen from Florida and Alabama so now you're coming after ours? Is this legislator named C. Montgomery Burns? Are you also planning to construct a giant shade to take away our sunlight? How about you just stop praying for rain and paving over shit and start trying to solve your own problems without pissing off your neighbors? Because I have to tell ya, the Volunteer State has kicked your ass over silly things like footballs and basketballs in the past few months so don't think we wouldn't do it over water.

Saturday - Don't know what's in store, but I think I'm better off just pretending the week ends on Friday.

Horseman #4 Revisited - A.K.A. - You Make Big Bird Cry

My post-lunch-ease-back-into-the-drudgery-that-is-my-job-guilty-pleasure is usually a brief detour to Entertainment Weekly's website or IMDB.com. In doing that today, an ad for the new reality disgrace that is "The Moment of Truth" (mentioned toward the end of this post) went by and something about that show (other than it's general soul-suckingness) keeps bugging me.

It's the host. I know I've seen him somewhere before.

But surely no one I would recognize from TV or film would resort to hosting this kind of crap.

And then it hits me.

HE'S ONE OF THE HOSTS OF ANTIQUES ROADSHOW ON PBS!!!!

But no. I have to be confused. PBS wouldn't allow that. Would they?

So, I checked IMDB.com to be absolutely sure.

Un-freakin'-believable. It's true.

And then - THEN - you know what else I discovered???

The blond lady-host of Antiques Roadshow is also on one of those AccessInsideHollywoodEntertainmentEditionTonight atrocities. What the hell.

AM I THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH TO FIGURE THIS OUT?!?!

And it's not like I'm some holier-than-thou who wouldn't be caught dead watching TV let alone knowing anything pop-culture-related. I enjoy my share of mindless entertainment. I watch America's Next Top Model. I know that Gwen Stefani is pregnant again.

But PBS is supposed to be better than the rest of us. They're NOVA and Rick Steves; This Old House and the Happy Tree Guy; Lady Elaine and Easy Reader and Zoom. They're The Complete Jane Austen and Faulty Towers and Masterpiece Theater with Alistair Cooke - and Monsterpiece Theater with Alistair Cookie!

They're supposed to have standards.

And I know you can't make a living on what public television must pay you to be the part-time host of a weekly show about crap people drag out of their attics. But did it have to come to this?

And what's next?

Jim Lehrer moonlighting for Fox News?

Mr. Snuffleupagus on Celebrity Fit Club?

I think I need to lay down for a bit.... Isn't it time for Arthur?

Some Thoughts on Television. Or Lack Thereof.

Preface: I've been jotting down random things for the past week regarding the deserted wasteland that is television at the moment - but in the form of letters. No, I'm not crazy. Or any more crazy than I was a few weeks ago. Just bored. And besides, one of my resolutions was to be better with my correspondence...

Wednesday, January 09

Dear Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers:

You suck. You suck not just because I completely support the writer's strike, but because you selfish jackasses have caused a strike when it's winter and it's drizzly outside and it gets dark really early and when I DON'T HAVE CABLE ANYMORE!

At first it was an opportunity for me to take a break from the amount television I watch. It was a good lesson. My house has been cleaner and stayed cleaner than it ever has before. I've been cooking. Even made bread. Caught up on some of my reading. Organized my DVD and CD collections. Scraped peeling paint off a bedroom door.

However, it's now to the point on the to-do list where my choices are to make my own laundry detergent or paint the freshly-scraped bedroom door and watch it dry.

Oh, but don't go thinking that I've been worn down and will start to side with you. I'm still behind the writers 100%. Union yes. Power to the people and all that other stuff. Just know that when I get to the point on my list where I start macrameying things out of dog fur, I'm sending them all to you.

Thursday, January 10

Dear Grey's Anatomy:

Your first season far exceeded my expectations. Your second season was good. Your third season was, well, dreadful. This season seemed to be back on track, but after last night I'm not so sure. Each episode's theme that ties all the plotlines together has always been a bit heavy-handed, but I've adjusted. Last night's episode, however, surpassed heavy-handed. Last night was more smack-me-in-the-mouth-with-a-mackerel. Because from what I could tell - or should I say, WAS TOLD, by every character on the screen - the theme last night was FAITH. In fact, I think the script went something like this:

Doctor 1: "I seem to have lost my faith."

Doctor 2: "Seriously? I have a ton of faith."

Doctor 3: "Don't you have any faith in me?"

Patient 1: "Look at me. I'm a faith healer."

Tall Blond Annoying Doctor: "Faith, faith, faith, faith. I think I'll cry now and try to win another Emmy."

There was only one plot line that didn't actually have something to do with faith, but I'm guessing your message there was that WE should all have FAITH that Dr. McCreepyFacialHair and Dr. LadyFromTheSilenceOfTheLambsWell will be having sex in the on-call room within the next three episodes should the writers' strike ever be resolved.

It didn't help any to keep seeing the ads for the new show, Eli Stone, featuring George Michael singing "Faith."

Oy vey. I need a mackerel-ectomy. Stat.

Dear Really Awful All Male Sex in the City Knock-Off Show That Came on After Grey's Anatomy:

I thought you were cancelled. Are you sure you weren't cancelled? If not, please know I can't handle the idea of CIA Seceret Agent Michael Vaughn and White House Deputy Communications Director Will Bailey existing anywhere in the television universe as smarmy Suits.

And apparently neither can a lot of other people. Because, seriously, I thought you were cancelled. Please look into it. Thanks.

Dear Everybody Loves Raymond:

Although I always found you amusing, I never watched you on a regular basis. Even now in reruns I usually opt for something else. As a result, I had never seen the Halloween episode where the grandfather dresses up as Frankenstein's Monster. Until the other night. Something made me switch over just in time to see your little homage to Peter Boyle's part in the funniest movie ever made. Seeing that and knowing he's no longer with us brought a little tear to my eye. As my brother says about that episode, "I always hope at some point he'll say 'Puuuuuiiiin un eh Riiiiiz.' But he never does." I guess I'll be sure to check you out more often now just in case it ever happens :)

Sunday, January 13

Dear PBS:

TWELVE SUNDAYS OF JANE AUSTEN! NO WAY! You rock!

My geek rating may have just skyrocketted, but I don't care. I'm so happy you salvaged my Sunday evenings from now until April that I may even break down and buy the Jane Austen Action Figure (with writing desk and removable quill). I'm guessing it also comes with an official membership to the National Association of Tragic Spinsters. But I'm ok with that.

Dear Wife Swap, Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, American Gladiators, and The Moment of Truth:

I'm not completely certain just yet, but I'm pretty sure that you are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Monday, January 14

Dear October Road:

I was actually excited to see that you were on. No offense, but that kind of scares me. Don't get me wrong, you make nice background noise to fold laundry too, but I'm just not that into you. When I saw your initial promos I was hoping at worst for Dawson's Road - er, I mean - Creek and at best for a TV version of Beautiful Girls, and well, let's just say that hasn't really happened. I have been confused about something though and wanted to ask you about it for some time now. Are you supposed to be set in the past or do all 20-somethings in New England blue collar towns listen to classic rock from the 70s? It's very confusing. Key songs in these characters' lives are often too old for them to be believable. Last night two of your young characters were listening to the Bay City Rollers. Really? Now, if there was a melodrama about 20-somethings in a small blue-collar town in the South, I'm sure everyone would be listening to Lynard Skynard or Hank Williams Sr. so I shouldn't be too hard on you. But enough already.

Tuesday, January 15

Dear LOST:

Help me. You're my only hope.

Wednesday, January 16

Dear Cashmire Mafia:

Is there a Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse that I'm not aware of?

P. S. Please tell Darren Star that I think Candace Bushnell should not only sue him, but that she and Sarah Jessica Parker should hold him down in the middle of Park Avenue and beat him with a Prada bag and a pair of Christian Louboutins.

Until next week or the strike is over ...

Gert

Lights, Please...

It's now Christmastime / Advent.

It didn't start an hour after Thanksgiving dinner or even the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It started today. And if you aren't churchy or you're the kind of churchy that doesn't do Advent candles, then there's still a way for you to know.

Monday A Charlie Brown Christmas is on.

It's the unofficial start of the holiday season. There's nothing not to like about it. Here's my top five list of reasons why:

1. It's genuinely funny and doesn't dumb things down. My favorite line is from Lucy. When asked what she really wants for Christmas, she matter-of-factly says "Real estate."

2. It's very melancholy - almost sad - in parts. And who wants an overly happy Christmas special? Not me.

3. Who hasn't imitated one of the characters dancing in the play rehearsal scene??

4. It's religious without being preachy and sweet without being cheesy.

5. It has the most kick-ass soundtrack of any Christmas special. Ever.

Happy first week of Advent!

Thursday Recap / Weekend Preview

"The Office": This week it was the perfect example of what I love about "The Office" and what I don't like so much. The whole Michael in the wilderness concept overall was kind of stupid - and a lame way to be part of NBC's "Green Week" (30 Rock did it perfectly and hilariously, however. Yea Al!). His antics while out in the forest were funny, but not what I love. The genius part was the whole Jim-in-charge / birthday scenario. Because who hasn't experienced this level of nonsense at work? Jim is both right and wrong; silly and making sense. Everyone else is also all of these things as well. I loved it! The best though - Jim's impression of Toby; Jim and Pam's quick exchange about meeting in the conference room; and then of course Michael somehow becoming the hero and cool boss at the end. And I loved all of the snippets of Michael scaring people for their birthday. So great.

Everything else on TV last night: Also great. "Grey's Anatomy" finally seems to be back to the original show that I love. I was a complete mess with the whole injured mother / adopted child story-line. But, I'm a mess when it comes to anything about orphaned/adopted children so that was kind of a given (I'm trying to decide if I can handle seeing Martian Child in the theater or not). Then, of course, it had to be followed up by one of my favorite Sex-in-the-City reruns of Miranda's wedding / Samatha's breast cancer / Carrie's pink Oscar de la Renta dress from The Russian.

The rest of life: I'm trying to get ready to be in a multi-person yard sale on Saturday with my friend, Claudia, and several of her girl friends that I've been getting to know. It's been great cleaning closets and looking for stuff to get rid of, but my house is so small that there's not an extra/empty corner - let alone room - to stack it all in. So, of course, it's in the living room, breakfast area and mud room / dogs' room. And believe you me, they are NOT happy to be sharing their den with crap I've dragged out of the garage. Apparently dirt and dust from foreign objects = bad; Own dirt and dust they've dragged in from the yard = good.

I love having yard sales. It's one of those quaint neighborhoody things that I always picture being very Martha Stewartish with mugs of cocoa, vintage kitchen items arranged on metal patio tables, old worn out chairs, etc. It never quite ends up that way, but it's still fun nonetheless.

All proceeds will be going to fund Sunday's Christmas Village outing with Katie and to a desperately-needed bike tune-up so that I can hopefully get my fat ass riding again.

Saturday is also the UT / Arkansas game. Don't really know what to think of this one. I figure it will either be a blow-out defeat a la the Alabama game or a down-to-the-wire-make-me-want-to-puke-last-minute victory like the South Carolina game. Not exactly looking forward to either. Not that it's going to keep me from watching either... GO VOLS!!!