Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Three More Days

Some may think that Memorial Day was the big holiday for May.

Silly people.

No, this year we have an additional national holiday.

May 30th: Straight Girl, Gay Guy Date Night.

And yes, while that could describe any given Friday night in Gert's life, this Friday is different because it's the premiere of Sex and the City the movie.

And is there a giant chance that it will totally suck? Yes, there is.

And do I really care? No, not at all.

I just want the opportunity to see them in all of their crazy, beautiful outfits on a big screen. And hear their crafty dialogue in surround sound. And enjoy a frosty Diet Coke that's going to cost me $8.50.

The only problem.

I have to be in Huntsville, AL from tomorrow until Saturday.

The universe is cruel.

So, if you are going this weekend, please think of me.

Or send me a card. I bet Hallmark totally has a section just for the occasion.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


So, if you visited me here within the last few days you saw a random post that didn't really say anything. Well, lest you think I've blown a fuse... I thought I had come up with a #5 for my previous list of grouchy news items. But I had only arrived at a title. And then I suddenly got distracted and never came up with anything else and in my distracted state clicked "publish" instead of "save" and posted just the title.

What happened was...I was sitting at my computer, listening to the news, and heard a story about a group of Hillary Clinton supporters who made a statement about her not getting the nomination because our country is still too sexist.

There it was! #5! Because I totally agree with them. And I've said so many times to several people. And I was going to write this big long diatribe about how, yes, we are still a sexist and racist country but it's more socially acceptable to be sexist. And it would have referenced advertising and music videos and been really sarcastic and contained a lot of run-on sentences and included at least one instance of the word "ass."

But before the tiny wheels in my brain could get turning, the news article ended with this same exact group of women saying they were so upset by all of this that they were now going to vote for McCain....

Then my uterus sent me a text message that said "WTF?!"

And really, who wouldn't be distracted after that?

Monday, May 12, 2008

In Other News...

I have some people in my life currently making me very angry so instead of addressing them or the issue directly, I'm going to take it out on our political system like a nice dysfunctional person should. Sound OK to you?

1. Has anyone seen my tinfoil hat?
I refused to spend my tax "rebate." Refused. I considered giving it away like I did the last one (to Planned Parenthood, GreenPeace and some literacy organization. All as a gift in W's honor, because yes, I am that spiteful). But the last rebate occurred when I was a young, idealistic, politically-outraged apartment-dweller with disposable income. Now I'm a middle-aged, slightly less idealistic, politically-agitated homeowner with hardly any disposable income.

It was very tempting to spend that check and be a good little obedient American. I had good things to spend it on too. Legitimate things even. So I got on the phone and asked for parental advice. "Do I put this toward a laptop that I really need for my free-lance aspirations? Or, do I stay true to my convictions and just use it to pay off the remaining repair bills for the Jetta Who-Will-Not-Be-Named?" Debt reduction was the solid conclusion. And that's exactly what I did. Yay me - thumbing my nose at The Man while ushering in that new era of fiscal responsibility I've been promising myself since January.

The next evening I powered up the laptop I've been using - and behold - the black screen of death and very non-Microsofty letters telling me "no operating system could be found." A few days later... the lawnmower: broken. A few more days after that... the answering machine: stops answering. Now, I know my karma has a pretty quick turnaround, but I can't figure out what I could have possibly done recently to incur this level of smiting. So what other explanation could there be? Well, obviously the Bush administration has tapped my phone, heard me openly mock their economic stimulus charade, and is slowly sabotaging every device in my house that costs more than $30. It's the only the only logical explanation, right?

2. It would be, it would be so nice.
So, I'm out of the loop for a few weeks and two of our three potential new presidents say that a gas tax holiday for the summer would be a good idea. You've got to be kidding me. Am I going to go into all of the many ways this is a jackassed idea? Or how it won't help any of the people who actually need help? Or how it is only pandering and a reactive, temporary, bullshit nonsolution to a much, much bigger problem that requires actual thought and proactive solutions? No. I will only ask that you raise your hand if you think this crockofshit is a good idea. Fabulous. Now lower that hand about 18 inches. Now smack yourself with it. RE. PEAT. ED. LY. Thanks.

3. Let me remove the piece of straw from my mouth and dirt from my toes before I continue...
I realize that big issues are easier to deal with when we make sweeping generalizations. But sometimes it gets annoying when the news media talks about the South like it's a third world country. Especially NPR (pssst... you're supposed to rise above that kind of crap.) Why does anyone who, at some point had to learn the definition of irony, think it's OK to condemn the stereotyping of people by the color of their skin by stereotyping an entire region of the country?

This morning I listened in amazement as Renee Montagne discussed race and politics in the South with some professor from Emory. Come to find out, any small glimmer of hope a black and/or a liberal candidate may have in the South is NOT because of any conclusion any of us could have thought of on our own. Oh no. Apparently we've been greatly influenced by the many people who recently have moved here from the North. Good to know. I been wonderin' who them folks wuz who brung us those new-fangledy books and shooz. I done thought they wuz frum the Piece Cores.

By the way, Rene, you might want to listen your very own sister news program because the same day on All Things Considered, they discussed all the racists behavior the Obama campaign has encountered. In Pennsylvania. And Indiana. Yeah, try getting some decent grits those states...

4. Fine. You win. I'll go dirty-up my toes and find that piece of straw I just spit out.
I'm not going to post a link to the most-recent and atrocious attempt at muck-raking made by the TN Republican Party. The last thing they need is more delusions of validation. A month or so ago they had Barack Obama's middle name (Hussein) included several times when mentioning him on their website. In their defense, I'm sure it was just so their members wouldn't confuse him with the various other Barack Obamas running for office. Supposedly they took it down. Now they've made an ad that repeatedly shows a clip of Michelle Obama saying something about how she is finally proud of America, interspersed with clips of Tennesseans (in one instance, posing before a living room wall full of shotguns) talking about how they are always proud of America.

I don't know if her comment was taken out of context or not. I don't care. Can't say I've been too proud of my country for quite some time either. The TN GOP has gotten a lot of heat for the ad, and again, I think they've taken it down. But what's the point? The damage has been done. On sooo many levels. No, really, I enjoy being fodder for college professors, political pundits, news reporters and late-night talk-show monologues.

So there you go, Rene. You were right. Apparently we could use a convoy of Yankee relief workers to enlighten us. Please. Send 'em on down.

5. I always have a top-five, but I think I've lost the will to type...
I officially give up. Pass the moonshine.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I can come up with a new post but I can't also come up with a title. Sorry.

Hellooo Internets. April is finally over. Finally. Not that anything I've had to do is any more or less than anyone else has to deal with, its just that I was woefully unprepared for all of it and ended up feeling like I wasn't doing any of it well.

Two big projects came due at my full-time, less-enjoyable/fulfilling job and two events occurred at my part-time, more-enjoyable/fulfilling job. Add to the mix that I have been on a search committee at church for the last almost-year to help find a new priest and much of that work all culminated in April. It's been as consuming and in many ways is more stressful than either of the paid gigs - what with all the pressure from God and stuff.

Don't get me wrong, it's been a great experience, but we're just now getting down to the big stuff and it's starting to wear on me. Probably due in part that I'm really much closer to being a Pagan than a Christian (certainly by the Bible-belt standards surrounding me I am). But thankfully I've managed to find myself in a group of free-thinking, inclusive, mostly-liberal, wacko Episcopalians who think that church isn't for sitting and watching, its for going and doing. And by going and doing I don't mean converting and condemning. I mean feeding and clothing and that kind of thing. "Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable" as one of our associate priests says. And I like that. And so for a NearPagan I spend a lot of my time at church and have recently spent a tremendous amount of time looking for a new priest.

I had an epiphany not too long ago that the person I want to be my priest needs to have the same basic qualities that I want in my president. A big revelation for the person who throws herself to the floor in a fit at the slightest violation of church and state separation.

When it comes down to it, what I want is a person
  • who is of any gender, ethnicity, age, culture, etc., etc., etc.
  • who is patriotic and faithful but doesn't use the flag or religious text as a weapon or a license for exclusion and oppression.
  • who doesn't have to be the smartest person in the room, but does need to be a critical thinker, an articulate speaker, and get competent people to help and advise.
  • who doesn't need to solve all of my problems or the world's problems, but needs to work hard for justice and peace however and whenever possible.
  • who doesn't need to agree with me about everything, but does need to be compassionate, a consensus-builder, and respect my rights and beliefs.
  • who makes me proud of my country / my religion.

In both instances, I know who I think that person should be. It's just the getting everyone else to agree part that I have to do now. I've done all I can do on the presidential end for the time being and for now I'm concentrating on the priest part.

Here are a couple of pages from the profile we sent to perspective candidates that I think sum things up nicely about who we are and what we want.

Why did I post these? Well, because they are nice reminders for myself when I start to be grouchy about the task at hand. And frankly, because I could use your help with some happy thoughts. Some of you NonNearPagans might call them prayers. And anything you can toss my way would be most appreciated.

Many thanks,