Thursday, March 27, 2008

PMS? Yes

All of my "internet goodness" and "it's the cutest thing ever" crap from the last couple of days is soooo over. For now anyway.

For now I beg you, universe - for the love of ALL that is holy - please relay the following information.

I would do it myself, but the compilation of all their trivial jackassedry has caused me to crawl completely out of my skin.


1. New deli in my neighborhood:

Was my sandwich AWESOME?

Yes.

Was it so awesome that you needed to take 22 minutes to make it?

No.

Do you need to have signs up to show people where they're supposed to order and where they're supposed to pay since there isn't any other way for us to know that in THIS store these functions are supposed to occur in two different places since, you know, most people naturally gravitate toward the person at a cash register when they want to BUY SOMETHING?

Yes.

When we're all standing in line in front of the guy at the cash register should the rude woman behind the counter refrain from shouting at all of us to move over to her counter and instead let the guy at the cash register just keep on keepin' on since he's doing a good job and it, well, MAKES MORE SENSE?

Yes.



2. Inglewood Kroger:

Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with other condiments, oils, marinades and such?

Yes.

Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with the paper towels and toilet paper and on the backside of the laundry detergent aisle?

NO.



3. Myself

If you know you're going to work do think it would be a good idea to take your work keys with you?

Yes.

If you know that later in the afternoon you are going to have to be out and about and, who knows, maybe even get stuck at the new deli for a ridiculously long time and need to let someone know you're going to be late, do you think it might be a good idea to also bring your cell phone with you?

Yes.


When you're going by your house to drop of the salad and salad dressing you picked up at Kroger after getting lunch at the deli and you know that you're going to go back to work, should you walk off and leave your work keys AGAIN?

NO.



4. The complete cluster f*&k that is the series of schools crossing zones on a major thoroughfare / Main St:

Is it totally and completely 100% MY FAULT for choosing to drive down this street at 3:00 in the afternoon?

Yes.

That said, would it make more sense to wait until the light is red to escort children across the very busy street so that they don't grow up thinking that speeding traffic will always stop for them AND it doesn't take the rest of us 18 MINUTES TO GO THREE BLOCKS?

Yes.



5. Construction workers at 5th and Main St.:

Is it ANY of your business who I honk my horn at?

NO.



6. US Postal Service:

Is it polite to let someone know that postage is going up again AND completely mangle her copy of this month's Southern Living on the same day?

No.



Thank you. That is all.

3 comments:

Katie said...

YEAH. WHAT SHE SAID. TWO TIMES.

Gert's Maw said...

It's that DNA thingy.

Melissa said...

I think you've got almost everything sorted out. Now, if the planet would only TAKE your good advice to heart and DO something with it...