... today is I Am Under the Delusion That Gert is My Bitch Day
a.k.a. Gert is Still Grouchy and Trying Not to Take it Out on Others Even if They Totally Deserve it Day.
Conversation #1:
Man who normally works from home for the organization that I share office space with, but who happens to be in the office today, saunters directly into my office - without even pausing at the doorway to see if I am in the middle of something - and waves a piece of paper at me.
Man: "Hey - do you have a way to make a copy of this for me?"
Me: "Oh, is the copier not working?"
Man: "Oh. Uh. I don't know where it is."
Me: "Hmmm. The kitchen."
Me to myself : "You know, the room you just walked past with the giant copier in it to get to my office?"
Conversation #2:
Woman I work with. (Not FOR. WITH).: "Do you have a better version of this map that I can use in my presentation?"
Me: "No, I don't. I'm sorry."
Woman: "Is there any way you could you find one?"
Me: "I can maybe find one on the internet."
Me to myself: "With my Super Secret Interwebs Sleuthing Device called GOOGLE!"
Woman: "Oh, that would be great. Thaaaanks."
Me (30 seconds later): "Here you go. Would one of these work?"
Woman: "Yes. Can you make a replacement slide for me? Thaaaanks."
Me: "Uh. Huh."
Me to myself: "You mean, can I click 'copy' and then 'paste'? I don't know... hey lookiethere I totally can... Amazing. Good - I was hoping to add a new skill to my resume this week. Thaaaanks."
GAH! I'm going home to soak my head in a vat of vitamin C.
Showing posts with label more ranting than raving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label more ranting than raving. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Thursday, March 27, 2008
PMS? Yes
All of my "internet goodness" and "it's the cutest thing ever" crap from the last couple of days is soooo over. For now anyway.
For now I beg you, universe - for the love of ALL that is holy - please relay the following information.
I would do it myself, but the compilation of all their trivial jackassedry has caused me to crawl completely out of my skin.
1. New deli in my neighborhood:
Was my sandwich AWESOME?
Yes.
Was it so awesome that you needed to take 22 minutes to make it?
No.
Do you need to have signs up to show people where they're supposed to order and where they're supposed to pay since there isn't any other way for us to know that in THIS store these functions are supposed to occur in two different places since, you know, most people naturally gravitate toward the person at a cash register when they want to BUY SOMETHING?
Yes.
When we're all standing in line in front of the guy at the cash register should the rude woman behind the counter refrain from shouting at all of us to move over to her counter and instead let the guy at the cash register just keep on keepin' on since he's doing a good job and it, well, MAKES MORE SENSE?
Yes.
2. Inglewood Kroger:
Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with other condiments, oils, marinades and such?
Yes.
Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with the paper towels and toilet paper and on the backside of the laundry detergent aisle?
NO.
3. Myself
If you know you're going to work do think it would be a good idea to take your work keys with you?
Yes.
If you know that later in the afternoon you are going to have to be out and about and, who knows, maybe even get stuck at the new deli for a ridiculously long time and need to let someone know you're going to be late, do you think it might be a good idea to also bring your cell phone with you?
Yes.
When you're going by your house to drop of the salad and salad dressing you picked up at Kroger after getting lunch at the deli and you know that you're going to go back to work, should you walk off and leave your work keys AGAIN?
NO.
4. The complete cluster f*&k that is the series of schools crossing zones on a major thoroughfare / Main St:
Is it totally and completely 100% MY FAULT for choosing to drive down this street at 3:00 in the afternoon?
Yes.
That said, would it make more sense to wait until the light is red to escort children across the very busy street so that they don't grow up thinking that speeding traffic will always stop for them AND it doesn't take the rest of us 18 MINUTES TO GO THREE BLOCKS?
Yes.
5. Construction workers at 5th and Main St.:
Is it ANY of your business who I honk my horn at?
NO.
6. US Postal Service:
Is it polite to let someone know that postage is going up again AND completely mangle her copy of this month's Southern Living on the same day?
No.
Thank you. That is all.
For now I beg you, universe - for the love of ALL that is holy - please relay the following information.
I would do it myself, but the compilation of all their trivial jackassedry has caused me to crawl completely out of my skin.
1. New deli in my neighborhood:
Was my sandwich AWESOME?
Yes.
Was it so awesome that you needed to take 22 minutes to make it?
No.
Do you need to have signs up to show people where they're supposed to order and where they're supposed to pay since there isn't any other way for us to know that in THIS store these functions are supposed to occur in two different places since, you know, most people naturally gravitate toward the person at a cash register when they want to BUY SOMETHING?
Yes.
When we're all standing in line in front of the guy at the cash register should the rude woman behind the counter refrain from shouting at all of us to move over to her counter and instead let the guy at the cash register just keep on keepin' on since he's doing a good job and it, well, MAKES MORE SENSE?
Yes.
2. Inglewood Kroger:
Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with other condiments, oils, marinades and such?
Yes.
Would the best place to put salad dressings be on the aisle with the paper towels and toilet paper and on the backside of the laundry detergent aisle?
NO.
3. Myself
If you know you're going to work do think it would be a good idea to take your work keys with you?
Yes.
If you know that later in the afternoon you are going to have to be out and about and, who knows, maybe even get stuck at the new deli for a ridiculously long time and need to let someone know you're going to be late, do you think it might be a good idea to also bring your cell phone with you?
Yes.
When you're going by your house to drop of the salad and salad dressing you picked up at Kroger after getting lunch at the deli and you know that you're going to go back to work, should you walk off and leave your work keys AGAIN?
NO.
4. The complete cluster f*&k that is the series of schools crossing zones on a major thoroughfare / Main St:
Is it totally and completely 100% MY FAULT for choosing to drive down this street at 3:00 in the afternoon?
Yes.
That said, would it make more sense to wait until the light is red to escort children across the very busy street so that they don't grow up thinking that speeding traffic will always stop for them AND it doesn't take the rest of us 18 MINUTES TO GO THREE BLOCKS?
Yes.
5. Construction workers at 5th and Main St.:
Is it ANY of your business who I honk my horn at?
NO.
6. US Postal Service:
Is it polite to let someone know that postage is going up again AND completely mangle her copy of this month's Southern Living on the same day?
No.
Thank you. That is all.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Who'd a Thought...
.... I would ever agree with anything this man had to say.
*
But this morning my alarm clock was set to Wake-up and Quickly Become Disheartened about the State of the Universe (aka Morning Edition) and there he was being interviewed about a book he's written.
(Note: from 2001-2005 I had a different alarm clock that was also set to the same program, only during that period of time it became known as the Wake-up and Backhand Me Across the Room When You Hear the Voice of the New "President." And alas, it suffered an unfortunate demise.)
His book points out that all of this recent "Immigration Reform" is, well, racist. And he backs that up with examples of various policies of current and previous administrations and congresses and state and local governments and a history lesson in the rhetoric and buffoonery aimed at past influxes of immigrant populations to our country.
And he makes the very important point that while we're flailing our arms about and screaming for border security, what we're really only interested in is putting up a wall between us and our darker-skinned neighbors to the south. Because why should we care about our border to the north? Those whacky Canadians! They're white! They spend money at our malls! And unless they happen to be the ones that play hockey, we could totally take them! Yeah! Grrr!
And he discusses, as I've ranted about before, that even though there are illegal people here from all kinds of countries, we only seem to be concerned with the darker-skinned ones. Because they're ones who do outrageous and terrible things. Like pick our vegetables, roof our houses, mow our yards and clean our bathrooms. Hateful Bastards.
So there you go. Me agreeing with Geraldo.
Of course now we could discuss how, after his interview, Mr. Rivera went back to his job at Fox News so that he could continue to gorge himself on cash from one of the very entities spewing the hate and propaganda he just published a book to speak out against...
But that's another pissed-off blog post for another pissed-off day.
My alarm clock is probably a little afraid.
*jaunty jacket-over-the-shoulder-as-if-to-say-I'm-a-trustworthy-journalist photo, courtesy of NPR.
* But this morning my alarm clock was set to Wake-up and Quickly Become Disheartened about the State of the Universe (aka Morning Edition) and there he was being interviewed about a book he's written.
(Note: from 2001-2005 I had a different alarm clock that was also set to the same program, only during that period of time it became known as the Wake-up and Backhand Me Across the Room When You Hear the Voice of the New "President." And alas, it suffered an unfortunate demise.)
His book points out that all of this recent "Immigration Reform" is, well, racist. And he backs that up with examples of various policies of current and previous administrations and congresses and state and local governments and a history lesson in the rhetoric and buffoonery aimed at past influxes of immigrant populations to our country.
And he makes the very important point that while we're flailing our arms about and screaming for border security, what we're really only interested in is putting up a wall between us and our darker-skinned neighbors to the south. Because why should we care about our border to the north? Those whacky Canadians! They're white! They spend money at our malls! And unless they happen to be the ones that play hockey, we could totally take them! Yeah! Grrr!
And he discusses, as I've ranted about before, that even though there are illegal people here from all kinds of countries, we only seem to be concerned with the darker-skinned ones. Because they're ones who do outrageous and terrible things. Like pick our vegetables, roof our houses, mow our yards and clean our bathrooms. Hateful Bastards.
So there you go. Me agreeing with Geraldo.
Of course now we could discuss how, after his interview, Mr. Rivera went back to his job at Fox News so that he could continue to gorge himself on cash from one of the very entities spewing the hate and propaganda he just published a book to speak out against...
But that's another pissed-off blog post for another pissed-off day.
My alarm clock is probably a little afraid.
*jaunty jacket-over-the-shoulder-as-if-to-say-I'm-a-trustworthy-journalist photo, courtesy of NPR.
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