Sometimes Stating the Obvious Really is Helpful. Oh, and, Feng Shui Totally Works:
I've been griping about my job for some time now. Nothing official, just usually over cocktails or coffee or when some unsuspecting person asks "how's work?" Anyway... a friend sent me a link to one of those personality tests (kind of Myers Briggs-ish, if you're familiar with that sort of thing) and at the end of it you could see what jobs were well-suited for your personality type.
The result: Apparently I'm an empathetic, critically-thinking, introvert who is well-suited for a job in natural resource education. (Or a lawyer or a computer programmer, but neither of those things are going to happen...)
Good. To. Know.
At first I got a big kick out of it, but then it was kind of comforting to know that despite all of the worrying and whining and feeling like I'm wandering aimlessly all of the time, I probably am on the right track. I just need a better train compartment.
Or something else in that metaphor that makes sense....
So I decided to say so. Very officially and out loud. With feeling. And then I felt bad for doing so because, you know, I do have a job already whereas many of my friends do not - or did not for a brief time. But I said it and it was out there.
I also said this around the time that my house was finally being put back together and was once again livable - briefly a couple of unfortunate shades of paint, but that's been fixed now too. And I'm a firm believer in Feng Shui. That disordered and cluttered homes make for a disordered and cluttered lives. Now, I am very messy. I don't want to be, but I am. But I'm a highly organized messy and even in my messiness, one can see that there is usually a rhyme and a reason and there's good flow. Or chi, if you will. And my house, for like a year, has had some seriously bad chi issues.
As I recall, a friend took to calling it Shawshank...
But as soon as there was a turning point in the chaos at the blueberry cottage, there seemed to be a turning point in me. And so with the confidence that only comes with new drywall, apparently, I declared my allegiance to this current job over. Finito. I am done. I won't be leaving until something appropriate comes along, but I felt the need to announce it officially to the universe.
And you know what, within a couple of days I'd sent a little email to a professor at a local university about their new graduate school program in sustainability. You know, just to ask a couple of questions. A few days later I'd met with said professor and now it looks like I may be going back to graduate school in the spring.
Then, last week, two friends of mine had a conversation about life and jobs and such and my name was mentioned as a possible person for a project one of them was working on and a day later I'd sent in a resume and some sample work and now I may, possibly, if it all works out, have a new job. Doing what might be the most perfect job for me. Maybe. Possibly. If it all works out.
I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up and saying that, worst-case-scenario, it's still a sign that this is the right move for me and that there are good options out there and I just need to be patient.
Patient. While I'm obsessively checking my email and cell phone like some girl pathetically waiting for some boy to call her. Patient.
Anyway... when I thought more about it, it seems as though that there are a lot of people around me who've taken a big leap of faith this summer. Much bigger than the one I've taken. They've lost their jobs and come out of it with the inspiration to be teachers. Or quit their jobs to start their own business doing something they love. Or had a baby. Or decided to adopt a baby. Or, like my niece - who is a baby - decided one day that walking might be a fun thing to try. Crazy stuff.
So it's been a big summer of change all around. And it can't just be my new drywall that did it. Somewhere there's some bigger chi at work out there. I don't care, as long as it keeps stirring up good stuff well into the fall.