Summer Lovin' Week 1

"Had Me a Blast"

Never one to turn down a good song title or lyric from Grease, I have dubbed my little summer photo essay project / attempt to better appreciate my surroundings during this unfortunate of seasons, "Summer Lovin'." My plan is for a new installment each week until the temperature drops enough to comfortably cover my upper arm fat wear long sleeves again. Or Halloween. Whichever Global Warming allows to happen first.

For Week One we borrow from the ever-glorious musical movie Grease once again and pay tribute to the 4th of July. (Yes, I'm behind a week. Already.)

In Nashville, if you're into crowds and the smell of sweaty polyester, one option is to go downtown to the river and watch the fireworks. All smart-assed-ness aside, my town does a great job with July 4th - in part because the whole thing is scored live and in person by the Nashville Symphony. Our symphony sounds fantastic under normal circumstance, but sounding fantastic while playing on a barge, in the heat, on the river, while being bombarded with bugs and having rockets launched behind their heads takes a certain level of skill.

The 4th of July is also a fun time in my family. My mother and stepfather live in the same part of the city as I do, but even closer to downtown, so it's a good spot for the 4th. But it's also their anniversary. And while they would probably enjoy going somewhere just the two them, they usually have various family and friends over instead. Some might question their logic, but I think its because they know my brother and I both have keys to their house and would just have people over anyway, so really it's more of an insurance policy on their part than anything...

To see the fireworks it's usually best to walk around the corner from their house - or even a couple of blocks over to our church. Last year it was so unbelievably, miserably, and disgustingly hot (at 9:30 at night!) that when asked if everyone was ready to head out to watch the festivities, my pregnant sister-in-law and I said "Meh. We'll just sit here and watch it on TV." But this year, THIS YEAR, the weather was not only gorgeous, but the powers that be decided to launch the fireworks from a little further down the river. Perhaps an unsuspecting tuba player was singed last year. I don't know. I just know that I stepped out onto my mother's front porch and into a perfect view of Independence Day as I'm sure our founding fathers and mothers intended. No traffic. No shirt-less mullet-ed men. No coolers to drag around. No smell of carnival food. No sweat. God bless America.

General Observations

Hello. Long time no chat. Nothing earth shattering has been going on, but here are some random things to be taken or left as you wish.


1. Alanis Morisette should follow me around for a while.
The same day I put in new car air freshener vent clippy things with the scent of "Summer Rain" I accidentally left the windows open too far and it rained in my car all afternoon. Ironic? Yes or no? Please discuss. I would also like to mention that "Summer Rain" air freshener clippy things don't smell a thing like summer rain. They smell like nasty fabric softener and with the same intensity as though you'd snorted it up your nose. So when combined, fake summer rain and actual summer rain in the JettaWhoWillNotBeNamed results in an aroma reminiscent of Wet Dog Doused in Snuggle. So... kinda like my laundry room... A well-spent $2.99 and trip down the Target automotive aisle if ever there was one.


2. So che siete ma che cosa sono io.
In an attempt to add Glass House Dwellers and Stone Throwers to their list of many accomplishments, someone in our presidential administration distributed information to reporters along on the G-8 junket this week. In it was a bio on Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi that referred to him as "a political dilettante who gained high office only through use of his considerable influence on the national media" and "one of the most controversial leaders in the history of a country known for governmental corruption and vice." The staffer that wrote it and will probably have to be punished for it (and who I'm guessing wanted to be fired instead of just jumping ship so that he could collect unemployment while writing his tell-all) really hit the smug, hypocritical mother-load, no? And... not to nitpick over word choice, but if by "vice" the Bushie meant the country has an appreciation of education, history, art, music, architecture, real food, small cars AND YET still manages affordable health care, a pretty high standard of living and a respectable GNP, then I think we could stand a vice or two like that over here. In the meantime I've been hoping Berlusconi's people would issue a statement that just simply said "I know you are, but what am I?"


3. Someone's been sampling the props.
On my Netflix summer watching list is the Showtime series "Weeds." Season 3 is starting to get a little more outrageous and dark-humored than I enjoy, but it's still fantastic. Plus, I think that Nancy and Conrad may have usurped Hyde and Jackie of "That 70's Show" for top spot on my list of Most Unlikely Yet Greatest Television Couples Ever. But alas, not my point. Last night I happened to check out the special features on one of the discs and watched a promo thingy on whichever Olsen twin it is that joined the cast that season. In it she says the role was a great opportunity "because most people only know me from 'Full House' or as a fashion icon." Uhhhh. I'm sorry. What??? I know I shouldn't sit here in Levis, Tevas and a shirt from Eddie Bauer and cast judgement on who should and shouldn't be considered a fashion icon, but at the same time, I think I am as qualified as someone whose style was referred to in this same feature as "dumpster chic." I also don't know if said twin is single, but I hear there's a recently unemployed presidential staffer with similar delusional issues and he could probably use a date this weekend.


4. Ongoing attempts at self-improvement.
There's a general fantasy that seems to float around in the rest of the world's mind as to the typical Southern summer's day. It usually involves elegantly rumpled linen outfits, gracious front porches, the scent of honeysuckle and a hand fan. If you happen to be in possession of one of those fantasies, I'm here to gently inform you that it's a giant pile of crap. A summer's day in my Southern reality involves wearing whatever is least likely to show pit stains... fighting the dogs for the living room floor vent when the AC kicks on... and air so muggy that it knocks the wind out of you just a bit when you walk outside. It is scented. I will give you that. But less like honeysuckle and more like a damp beach towel you just found in the trunk of a car that's been baking in the driveway for a week and a half. And being more on the hermit end of the personality spectrum anyway, it takes all I can muster not to just close all the blinds and lay on the cool hardwoods with an IV of gin and tonic for three or four months. My point (at least I do go on like a good Southerner...) is that one of the reasons I started this little bloggy experiment was to try and evolve a bit. Up to this point I've only succeeded in perfecting the art of kvetching so now I'm going to try something else. And that something is to try to "enjoy" summer through writing. And photography. That's all I've got so far though. But stay tuned...


5. Ending my list with more lists. Ahhhh...
Entertainment Weekly's website (which is all kinds of fun even on a bad day) has been counting down their top 100 lists of "The New Classics." First movies, then television series, then albums, and lastly, books. I was pleased to have seen more than half of the movies listed. More of the TV shows than I care to admit. More of the music than I expected (thanks to a very generous inclusion of angsty 80's alt-rock). But sadly very few of the books. Very sadly. I used to be an avid reader. I still am in some ways, I guess - it's just that it usually involves nonfiction and home improvement magazines. Anyway... if you have a chance and want to take a look at the lists, it's a good way to kill twenty minutes (this link starts the movie countdown and all the rest are in the links on the side). I would be interested to know what you think. Shocks? Happy surprises? Unfortunate omissions? And if you're a smarty-pants that has read a good chunk of the book list I'd like to know what you think should be added to the stack on my bedside table. And read once I finish the July issue of "This Old House," of course...

Aaaaaand We're Uncrossing Our Fingers

Let's see...

Laptop: could not be resuscitated.

Email Inbox: totally vanished sometime around 4:00.

Boss: pestered me constantly with tedious crap all week and is now pissed that I haven't gotten more done.

Demons from Previous Job: reared their ugly heads this morning and sent me for a dip in the pool of self-doubt and neuroses. Prima donna boss isn't helping much either.

Me: leaving now to go stick my head in a bucket of Jack Daniels.

See ya Monday.

Fingers Crossed

Dear Internet:

Someone just came to take a look at The Laptop and said that he can probably fix it. Woo hoo!

I'm not holding my breath, but it's possible that by this time next week I'll be back to spending an inordinate amount of time writing things and assuming you're interested in reading them. Lucky Internet!

Stay tuned...

Love,
Gert

The Boys of Summer

A certain blogger, familar to this site, recently announced to me that I will be going to see Sex and the City again next month.

But until then, for my viewing enjoyment, I will have the also-enjoyable BizzaroCarrie and her very un-Sex and the City-like friends: P.J. Franklin and the boys of "My Boys". Yay.

I don't quite know what it is about this show, but I luuuuuuuve it. So very much.

Have you seen it? It's adorable. And really funny. P.J. is tomboyish, a writer, and blond and skinny, of course. Almost all of her friends are guys. They drink beer and play board games and watch sports at their neighborhood tavern. And they drink beer and play poker at her apartment - a fabulous Chicago apartment that, as a newspaper sports writer, she totally couldn't afford in real life but that you enjoy nonetheless.

So hey, just like my life! Well, ummm... I think I have the tomboyish thing down. Most of my friends are (gay) guys. But we do often drink beer at our neighborhood tavern. Only it's more dive bar than tavern. And we talk about, well, Sex and the City and anything else BUT sports. And while I'm completely in favor of playing poker, it's mostly just me drinking diet coke and playing fetch with my dogs at my house - a slightly ramshackled East Nashville cottage that I too totally can't afford in real life, but that I enjoy nonetheless. So yeah... uh... just like my life....

But seriously... I enjoy suspending reality and logic for some shows, but it's a nice change to see something more relatable on television. Plus, "My Boys" is a single-camera sitcom - so no studio audience or obnoxious laugh track. It's really well-written and quick-witted - so no annoying one-liners or slap-stick. I admit that the voice overs with the constant sports analogies get a bit tiresome, but much like Carrie talking directly at the camera in the first season of SATC, I'm guessing that aspect has probably been axed.

The season premiere is tonight at 8:30c/9:30e on TBS or online at tbs.com. You can watch old episodes there too. Enjoy!

An Inconvenient Gadget

On my iGoogle page is a gadget for the National Geographic photo of the day. It's very cool. But be warned - if you click on the photo you will learn more than you really wanted to. And we all know that learnin' only leads to trouble.

Because sometimes you see a cute photo of a bear cub and learn that this type of bear has a really long tongue so it can eat ants out of an anthill like an aardvark. And then you share this bit of information at a cocktail party when someone mentions something only slightly related to the subject of bears. And then you watch as people start fake-looking around for more artichoke dip.

Other times the lovely photo of the bear cub turns out to be a very sad photo of a bear cub who lost its mother because run-off from the condos being built upstream has filled her river with sediment and destroyed the salmon population so she can't build up enough fat for hibernation.... and then global warming has screwed up her hibernation schedule so she woke up too early and was too skinny anyway because of the no-fish situation... so then she wandered absent-mindedly - what with the lack of sleep and the low-blood sugar and all - into a road and was run down by a Hummer. Then the next time you eat salmon it tastes all kinds of depressing and guilty.

But hey, here's an encouraging photo:

When I saw it this morning I immediately thought "Oh great! 'Cute Penguin Poses in Front of Melting Ice Cap.' I'm guessing he died of heat stroke or was eaten by a ravenous polar bear seconds after the photo was taken." And of course I have to open it and find out for sure... But no! Turns out, THIS kind of penguin (a chinstrap penguin - how cute!) is one of the more warm-weathered penguins so it is actually thriving in the now-toasty Antarctic. Awesome.

If that guy I heard speak in Huntsville has this same gadget on his iGoogle page I bet he is soooo stoked right now.

In Other Less-Grouchy News...

After my post about all things currently wrong with the world I thought I'd be all Feng Shui-y and write about some happier news to balance out my chi. Gert is very zen.

Plus, work has given me one mother of a headache - probably caused by staying here until an ungodly hour last night instead of being able to work from home because - have I mentioned? - George Bush killed my laptop...

Oh that's right. I'm being zen. And nice. Moving on...

1. Never let it be said that I don't take my time getting things done OR that I have a big mouth. I finally got my upper-left thirteen-year molar. Yes, you read that correctly. Back in the day, my orthodontist thought that when the braces finally put everything in order it would just decide to show up. But no. My oral surgeon thought that when he removed my wisdom teeth it would be jarred loose and then come in. Wrong again. Maybe instead of a thirteen-year molar it's a thirty-year molar. What? Oh. I'm not thirty anymore either? Well, hell. OK, so my other theory is that either it has more room now because a couple of my teeth have shifted slightly back to their original, more-crooked position (retainer? what retainer?) OR it has been shaken loose by the new electric toothbrush my dentist suggested I get ("if you'd like to go ahead and admit to yourself that you're really not going to floss as much as you say you're going to and just purchase an electric toothbrush, I think we'd both be much happier in the long run.") So, I'm hoping this starts a new trend and by August I expect to have finished my 7th grade summer reading list and finally found that long-lost Cyndi Lauper cassette...

2. Huntsville didn't totally suck. Totally being the operative word. The first half of my trip was spent at a business/enterprise-related conference that was basically a Republican parallel universe where I was literally the only person not in a suit and where global warming does indeed exist but will actually be good for the US economy because third world countries will become dependent upon us for their food. Who knew!?! But more about that later... How is this happy, good chi news you ask? Well, because I got to see one of UT's former punters, got a magnet and a stress ball (that I've already lost), had HBO in my hotel room, AND met a real live astronaut. Not too shabby. I do wish that instead of pens, one of the booths had been giving away medically-induced amnesia so that I could forget most of the presentations I had to sit through. Maybe next year...

3. Better late than never. I finally got my date night. Monday. I went with my friend Alan to dinner and to see Sex and the City. Dinner was delicious and the movie was too. Not absolutely everything that I was hoping for but enough fabulous clothes and funny lines and inside jokes to keep me happy. There will be more about this later too, but I will say that there was even a third thing as equally delicious as dinner and the movie. It was the preview for the movie version of Mama Mia. I am counting down the days as of this moment.

4. Anyone listen to NPR last Sunday? You knew a list of random crap from me wouldn't be complete without some mention of public television and/or radio... Last Sunday was the anniversary of when Tennessee became a state or some such historical whatnot. Anyway... in honor of that (and because the substitute host for that Sunday is stationed in Nashville) the broadcast included an interview with Nashville's mayor about our lovely Cumberland river (and not so lovely sewer pipes that are from, I kid you not, before the Civil War); an article about the Bluebird Cafe; a musical transition thingy by Victor Krauss (Allison's brother); an interview with local punk band Be Your Own Pet; a feature on the Nashville phenomenon lovingly known as "Hot Chicken" (Splendid Table actually did a better article on Prince's Hot Chicken a month or so ago); AND the guy who played the puzzle with Will Shortz was the cutest little elderly retired professor from UT. He not only totally kicked ass on what I thought was a really hard puzzle, but when asked at the end what his local station was said "WUOT - radio station of the University of Tennessee and the Lady Vols Basketball Champions!" Delightful. I've linked them all so you can hear them online if you'd like :)

5. Last time I was too disgusted to continue with my list. This time I don't know what else I could top it with. Good chi indeed.