A Face Even the Roadrunner Would Love

First, let me say that I am wholeheartedly NOT in favor of keeping wild animals as pets. Every time I hear of some yahoo in Whateverville, USA getting the side of his face bitten off because he kept "pet" lions in his backyard I, quite honestly, smile and wonder if the lions think "hmmm, tastes like antelope."

That said, I give you the link to this blog: dailycoyote.blogspot.com.

This woman lives in the absolute middle of nowhere Wyoming and found an orphaned baby coyote on her doorstep. She's has no delusions about his wildness. She simply didn't want him to die and has given him a den and some pack members (her and her cat) to hang with while he figures things out. True, there's a chance that this will all end badly, but she seems to be a reasonable human being and has a neighbor (as much as you can have a neighbor in the absolute middle of nowhere Wyoming) who is a coyote expert with the National Park Service. So there you go.

Besides, what the hell do I know, anyway? I'm the genius that chooses to live a with a dog whose IQ is probably higher than mine and a dog who's afraid of ticking clocks....

Anyway... She takes photos everyday and if you are an animal lover or especially a dog / dog-like animal lover, it will completely break your heart with its cuteness.

Happy Friday!

Stuck in the Drive Through behind a Guy Ordering $38 Worth of Taco Bell

Yeah. That pretty much sums up my week.

Scenes from a Grandmother / Grandaughter Weekend

OK, so this post is also about football. But here in the South - or at least in my family - you better know your football regardless of your gender or else you're going to be pretty lonely come Saturdays in the fall. And even if you're one or two of the four people who read this blog and DON'T like football (and you know who you are!), you might still enjoy a window into the weirdness that is my family tree.

This past Saturday, Tennessee played Kentucky and it went into QUADRUPLE FREAKIN' OVERTIME. I watched the game with my Grandmother, who I will just say, is one of the greatest and most unique grandmothers around. She is many of the traditional grandmothery things - a good cook, a good hostess, spoils her grandchildren, etc. So, it wasn't until I was in my late teens/early twenties that I figured out that she also enjoyed a lot of what, it turns out, are actually non-traditional grandmothery things, like smoking and cussing and drinking and gambling and watching sports. Who knew? But I digress...

The game: it was all kinds of exciting with unexpected and wacky things happening. Thinking about all of them now, I'm sure they're no longer as accurate or in quite the right order any more, but for the rest of eternity, here's how it will replay in my mind:

First Half
Tennessee is off to a great start. Touchdown on the first play.

Woo hoo! I'm enjoying this. Let's peruse one of the "Better Homes and Gardens" Granny has on the coffee table whilst we watch. Oh look, how to make your own Christmas stockings from dish towels...

Tennessee's touchdown is followed with another touchdown, a field goal and yet another touchdown. Half time.

My Grandmother and I discuss what we'll have for dinner after the game is over.

Second Half
On a long pass by Kentucky, their receiver and our defender simultaneously jump high in the air to try and catch the ball. With their arms interlocked, they both grab the ball at the same time. They both come down still holding onto the ball. They both fall to the ground, still with arms interlocked and death grips on the ball. Turns out that if two players simultaneously catch the ball and neither loses possession, the offense gets the ball.

Seriously?!?! Learn something new everyday, I suppose...

Then there are lots of other exciting events. Passes are intercepted, quarterbacks are sacked, penalties are called and the Wildcats eventually catch up. And before we know it, with less than a minute left in the game, Kentucky is about to score a touchdown and win.

How did this happen!?! Oh yeah, that's right, it's happened two other times this season.... I start to feel a bit nauseous and there's a throbbing in my head. It could be the game, or it could be my Grandmother's chain smoking or the fact that she keeps saying she's sure we're going to lose. OR it could be that I know my fate once the game is over is not to watch the Mizzou / Kansas game, but instead a Hallmark Channel movie, A Grandpa for Christmas. No. I'm not kidding.

On first down they throw to the end-zone. Incomplete, but with defensive pass interference, so they're moved closer to the goal line. We stop them on second down and on third down their quarterback drops the snap and is unable to get it together in time to score so they have to kick a field goal to tie and go to overtime.

Overtime. OK, I can handle a little overtime. Granny, however, says we should have just gone ahead and lost in regulation because we're just going to lose in overtime now so what's the point. I reminder her, with clinched teeth, that good Volunteers are faithful and positive Volunteers.

First overtime
Kentucky scores a touchdown and the extra point. Tennessee scores a touchdown via a reaching, twisting, diving catch in the corner, near the sideline which has to be reviewed because they're not sure he kept control of the ball. He did. And they make the extra point. Tied again.

I've now chewed part of my bottom lip off and can feel several hairs on my head turning white. Again, it could be the game, or it could be that my Grandmother has announced that, again, we are going to lose so she's just not going to watch the game any more and then goes about checking her numbers for the various football pools she has money on. I take a glance at the end table that separates us to make sure I can get to the remote if she decides to make a break for the Hallmark Channel.

Second overtime
We fail to score on our possession and Kentucky is unable to score a touchdown so they try to win the game with what looks to be an easy a field goal.

Darkness descends upon the land.

I've taken to chewing on the cuff of my sweatshirt so as not to chew completely through my bottom lip. Granny declares "they're going to kick that field goal and beat us." I finally lose my patience and (lovingly) yell "WELL MAYBE THEY'LL BLOCK IT, GRANNY! DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?!?"

And then, as if the heavens were listening, one of the shortest defensive lineman on our team jumps in the air AND BLOCKS THE KICK!!!!

I think one of my lungs just collapsed. But I manage to pull together enough oxygen to yell "WHAT'D I TELL YOU!!! NEVER GIVE UP, GRANNY, NEVER GIVE UP!!!" She's seems very happy, but I have a feeling I'm out of the will.

Eric Berry catches the blocked kick and is off and running toward our end zone for the touchdown, but is immediately - and brutally - yanked to the ground by his face mask. HOWEVER, because the heinous action occurred during change of possession in overtime, blah, blah, blah, and Jupiter is aligned with Mars, blah, blah, blah no penalty is assessed.

WTF!!! Fine. Whatever. I'm too exhausted to yell expletives at the referees. Bring on OT#3...

Third overtime
Kentucky scores a touchdown and has to try for the two-point conversion, but they miss. Tennessee scores a touchdown. They try for the two points and almost make it but Arian Foster can't hold onto the ball inbounds, and after the play, flings the football into the air out of frustration.

I'm with you, buddy, flingin' the TV Guide.

Unfortunately, that is considered unsportsmanlike conduct. But wait, the flagrant and vicious face mask take-down from earlier isn't a penalty, so we're good to go, the penalty won't be assessed, right!?! NO!?! Apparently dead ball fouls in overtime, blah, blah, blah, the square root of pi times the area of an isosceles triangle, blah, blah, blah, the penalty IS ASSESSED 15 YARDS!!

WTF²!!! I was still trying to figure out the whole, "when two players catch the ball at the same time and maintain control...." from back in the second half, let alone the previous bit of nonsense about the non-face-mask-penalty (which, have I MENTIONED, was flagrant?!?). I then place a pillow over my head so that I may either muffle my own screams of frustration or smother myself in a few seconds.

FOURTH OVERTIME
Good Gravy, I'm exhausted. Bring on A Grandpa for Christmas. I can't take any more...

I realize though that I need to just suck it up because my Boys in Orange are now into their fifth hour of playing and to add insult to injury, have to start on the 40 yard line instead of the 25 because of the penalty.

OH BUT WAIT... the first play and our quarterback throws an unexpected long pass to some guy I've never heard of - who we find out later, RAN THE WRONG ROUTE - but still manages to catch the ball and run it in for a touchdown. And they get the two point conversion.

Sweet Fancy Moses. I think I might pass out.

Kentucky drives down to the half-yard line and then barely gets in for a touchdown. But best they can do now is tie and extend our agony to a fifth overtime.

However, we all know what color God wears on Saturday, don't we? If not, I'll give you a hint. It ain't blue.

On the two point attempt, Kentucky's quarterback can't find a guy open and starts to run it in himself, but is sacked and fumbles the ball. Tennessee recovers. Game over. We're going to Atlanta. Let the mayhem begin.

I high-five Granny who yells,"I knew they would win!"

Some images from after the game, courtesy of http://www.govols.com/, http://www.utsports.com/ and http://www.tennessean.com/:

Philly and Coach Trooper Taylor when we won.

Lucas Taylor, after the game, with a tear of exhaustion
and/or elation streaming down his cheek.

One of our players who went to celebrate with the
UT fans after the game and was pulled into the crowd.

Players celebrating with the fans after the game.

More celebration. But please note Eric Berry on the left with Smokey.
Is there a better example of school and state pride than a
great big football player with his arm around some guy wearing a dog suit?
I don't think so.

GO VOLS!!!

Adopt-a-Post (ha!)

Not much going on so I thought I'd post something someone else posted.

I was informed recently by my friend, Katie, that November is Adoption Awareness Month, and thought I would do my part. From as far back as I can remember, I've had an interest in, and a soft-spot for, the whole concept of adoption. To the point that any story related to orphans, adoption, etc. usually involves tears from me.

However, not having been adopted nor having ever adopted any children, I'm also not too well-informed on the subject (unless countless childhood listenings / reenactment's of the Annie Broadway Soundtrack count) so I thought her post would be much more useful and appropriate than anything I could write:

http://katiedustin.blogspot.com/2007/11/adoption-awareness-month.html

Katie's retelling of her story is a good one. I was laughing and crying (typical) throughout and I know the story. And, well, have been known to cry when telling it to other people. I can't help it. It's totally involuntary.

On a side note: the link above tells you how Eli, John and Finley came to be, but the link below tells you about our trip to the zoo. (Aunt Gert's been playing with her new Flickr account during these quiet days at work before Thanksgiving - can you tell?).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/33887677@N00/sets/72157602495417124/show/

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rant-a-Palooza

I’ve been up since 4:30am and have gotten all riled up listening to the news for three hours. Turns out there's some really irritating crap going on out there. Who knew? Let’s see…

Locally
Robert Pratt (Franklin, TN), a subcontractor for Fischer Homes, was sentenced to 18 months in jail for hiring undocumented workers. Wow, sprawl-mongers AND the racist and hypocritical movement disguised as patriotism /national security that is “border security” all rolled into one story. Santa visited Gerty early this year.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fully aware that illegal is illegal. I just think that issues like this can't be simplified so easily and that life doesn't exist in a vacuum (but if it did, I would like to be in a Dyson DC 15 Animal, please). My problem with all of this anger toward “illegals” is that it's only directed toward dark-skinned individuals. The same dark-skinned people that are building our houses and picking our vegetables so that we can buy 3,000 more square feet than we really need, or tomatoes in January for next-to-nothing, and live our cushy and relatively inexpensive lifestyles. Do we not think there are white people here illegally? Try to get a drink in Boston from a legal Irish bartender. I dare ya. So where are the "minutemen" with their jeeps and their rifles driving around Harvard Square?

As for mister sub-contractor - who happens to live in the wealthiest part of the wealthiest county in our state and one of the top 50 wealthiest counties in the country, by the way (guess we know how he affords it) - I think maybe he could stand to spend his 18 months wandering about the US/Mexico border. Plus, I'd be interested in knowing who he's partial to politically. Just curious. 'Cause if he was hiring them furiners, I'm sure he's a liberal. Plus he lives in Williamson County and I know that the last time I met a lefty-bleeding-heart-let's-let-everyone-in-the-country-and-give-them-a-job-and-buy-them-a-Coke-liberal from Williamson County was... um.... oh wait, that's right - NEVER.

Regionally
Sonny Perdue, governor of Georgia, held a prayer service for rain earlier this week. Yesterday it finally rained in the Atlanta area. Bravo, Sonny. Did Jesus also tell you to check weather.com first? Perhaps instead of praying for rain you should have been praying that the city of Atlanta will stop paving over every goddamn thing they can get their hands on, destroying the water table and increasing the air temperature and therefore helping to cause this drought you’re asking God to end? Or, I don’t know, you could try being a PUBLIC SERVANT AND ACTUALLY WORKING INSTEAD SPENDING TAX-PAYER DOLLARS TO ASK GOD TO DO STUFF FOR YOU. Fiscally-conservative-strict-constitutionalist my ass.

Nationally
I don’t think I can handle 12 more months of presidential election hoo-ha. Especially if all we’re going to hear about the debates are the Sports Center highlights. It’s fine if you share with me a witty comment Hillary made about her pantsuit, but I have a hard time believing that there wasn’t at least one pithy comment Joe Biden made that couldn't have been played instead of the Clinton/OBama/Edwards cross-talking silliness about universal health care. I mean it’s Joe Biden. He had to have said SOMETHING worth hearing. The man never shuts up.

I’m still holding out for a viable third-party candidate or independent. I want ground-shaking, paradigm-shifting change in this country, not just variations of the same thing but with a different animal mascot. I thought I had a Democratic candidate that was truly different and could get me close, but now I’m not sure.

As for the Republicans, I couldn't be happier. The top candidates are two skirt-chasers and a flip-flopper from Massachusetts. Thanks again Santa! (I've been VERY good this year) But seriously, how are those glass houses / black pots workin' out for you fellas? Comfortable?

Internationally
I know that I should be more knowledgeable about international affairs AND I should be more concerned about what’s going on in Pakistan. However... from what I can tell, this all just goes to my theory that a country’s nuclear armament should be allocated – or revoked – based on the basic abilities and choices of its current leader. Much like the Soup Nazi. Then, if your nuclear weapons get taken away, just elect someone with common sense - or overthrow the current guy and replace him with someone less ridiculous – and then you can have them back. For example, the guy in charge of your country has a dead badger of a toupee on his head and still wants us to take him seriously? NO NUKES FOR YOU! Your leader says that the holocaust never happened and/or that there are no homosexuals in his country? NO NUKES FOR YOU! Your leader says “nucular” instead of “nuclear” and he gets elected twice!?! NO NUKES FOR YOU!

OK. I think I’m ready to go to work now.

I Think I Need My Head Examined

I just entered a contest to win an iPhone through Real Simple magazine.

Thing is, I don't enter random raffles or drawings or anything hosted by Ed McMahon. I voted against the lottery and get angry when I have to stand in line behind someone buying a lottery ticket. I don't want to be the 5th caller to the radio station. If Bob Barker had ever called my name, I probably would have "Come On Down" to the floor, that is, and then crawled under my seat. I don't want the door prize at whatever meeting/workshop/conference they feel they need to trick me into attending by giving crap away. I am the Official Wet Blanket of All Contest & Give-Away-Related Activities.

Add to that, I am not really a gadget person. Electronic gadgets, that is. (Ask me about my new lazy-susan/plastic storage container contraption from the Container Store and I'll go on for days...) It was only in the last two years or so that I upgraded to a TV that didn't have dials on it. I barely own a cell phone. I don't have an iPod. I wouldn't turn down a free one, but the effort I have to go through to access and listen to my music in its current capacity doesn't outweigh the price of getting an iPod at the moment. Same with a Blackberry. I can see the point if you travel a lot or are away from the office during the day for large amounts of time. But I'm not. And when I am - again - the hassle doesn't outweigh the cost. So why? WHY do I now want a completely indulgent, borderline pretentious, VERY expensive technological thingy.

Maybe it's the commercials for them. They're genius. But most all Mac-related commercials are genius (not to say I that couldn't have lived without ever seeing that annoying Feist iPod commercial that they've finally stopped playing but is still somehow stuck in my head) and that certainly hasn't made me want to buy any of their products. I was perfectly happy lusting after the iPhone from afar and then MAYBE if we find out a year or so from now that they aren't more trouble than they're worth or don't randomly catch fire and melt to the side of your head or something else strange and tragic, I might consider adding it to my technology wish-list. Considering I still don't have my own laptop, surround-sound, or TiVo though, it shouldn't hold its breath.

Maybe it was when I noticed that the really cool pictures posted on one of my favorite blogs (I heart the Daily Chuck!) were taken with an iPhone. When I read that, my little ears perked up and I cocked my head to the side like my dog, Oliver, when he's trying to figure out where the squirrel on the TV set just ran off to. "Take pretty decent pictures on any whim without having to lug a camera about? Hmmm...."

Or maybe it was just that my current crush on the iPhone was combined with my slightly dysfunctional love of Real Simple magazine. Had they suggested I join the Britanny Spears Fan Club or donate to the Mit Romney campaign I might have been tempted to do so. And that kinda scares me.

But more importantly though... if I win, I actually get TWO iPhones so maybe I'll share. Interested???

Thursday Recap / Weekend Preview

"The Office": This week it was the perfect example of what I love about "The Office" and what I don't like so much. The whole Michael in the wilderness concept overall was kind of stupid - and a lame way to be part of NBC's "Green Week" (30 Rock did it perfectly and hilariously, however. Yea Al!). His antics while out in the forest were funny, but not what I love. The genius part was the whole Jim-in-charge / birthday scenario. Because who hasn't experienced this level of nonsense at work? Jim is both right and wrong; silly and making sense. Everyone else is also all of these things as well. I loved it! The best though - Jim's impression of Toby; Jim and Pam's quick exchange about meeting in the conference room; and then of course Michael somehow becoming the hero and cool boss at the end. And I loved all of the snippets of Michael scaring people for their birthday. So great.

Everything else on TV last night: Also great. "Grey's Anatomy" finally seems to be back to the original show that I love. I was a complete mess with the whole injured mother / adopted child story-line. But, I'm a mess when it comes to anything about orphaned/adopted children so that was kind of a given (I'm trying to decide if I can handle seeing Martian Child in the theater or not). Then, of course, it had to be followed up by one of my favorite Sex-in-the-City reruns of Miranda's wedding / Samatha's breast cancer / Carrie's pink Oscar de la Renta dress from The Russian.

The rest of life: I'm trying to get ready to be in a multi-person yard sale on Saturday with my friend, Claudia, and several of her girl friends that I've been getting to know. It's been great cleaning closets and looking for stuff to get rid of, but my house is so small that there's not an extra/empty corner - let alone room - to stack it all in. So, of course, it's in the living room, breakfast area and mud room / dogs' room. And believe you me, they are NOT happy to be sharing their den with crap I've dragged out of the garage. Apparently dirt and dust from foreign objects = bad; Own dirt and dust they've dragged in from the yard = good.

I love having yard sales. It's one of those quaint neighborhoody things that I always picture being very Martha Stewartish with mugs of cocoa, vintage kitchen items arranged on metal patio tables, old worn out chairs, etc. It never quite ends up that way, but it's still fun nonetheless.

All proceeds will be going to fund Sunday's Christmas Village outing with Katie and to a desperately-needed bike tune-up so that I can hopefully get my fat ass riding again.

Saturday is also the UT / Arkansas game. Don't really know what to think of this one. I figure it will either be a blow-out defeat a la the Alabama game or a down-to-the-wire-make-me-want-to-puke-last-minute victory like the South Carolina game. Not exactly looking forward to either. Not that it's going to keep me from watching either... GO VOLS!!!