...and the Trojan horse you rode in on

So. On the ride that has been the Big Orange Emotional Roller Coaster, let's recap:

Last year my beloved state's university hired a new head football coach. I took an instant disliking to him. Among other things, he was very young, mouthy, wore a sun visor, was rumored not to like the color orange and was married to a woman who went to Florida.

Yes, I know these are not legitimate reasons to dislike someone, but when combined with my gut instinct, these things didn't help. Being loyal to a fault, however, I vowed to get on board and at least be supportive.

That fall our team started out pretty shakily. But the coach said he was standing behind our quarterback, made some adjustments, and things started to turn around. I began to appreciate his methods and the new enthusiasm in the team.

The coach continued to be mouthy and was playing harder and faster with the rules than I was used to. I decided that I was maybe being too critical. Change is always hard and maybe his style wasn't bad - just different.

So I lightened up. And in the Vanderbilt game, when big, ole Wes Brown (arguably the sweetest, most dedicated player on our team at the end of his last home game ever) intercepted that pass and on two destroyed knees and with a Vanderbilt player clinging to him for dear life, lumbered into the end zone for a touchdown, the Tennessee bench erupted with pure joy and so did the coach. And that sealed it for me. He was our coach. He was officially a Tennessee man. (Brown's TD was, hands down, the greatest moment of the season - watch it here.)

And then it all changed. Last Tuesday night I came home to discover that the coach I had decided to like against my initial instincts and better judgement proved me wrong. Or right. Whichever.

Now, I'm all for people following their dreams. And apparently we weren't his dream job. Fine. For some reason coaching USC is his dream job. Fine. You do what you have to do. But when you do it - you need to try to appear that you have at least a tiny ounce of respect for the team and the school and the state that hired you and embraced you in spite of yourself. And, while we're at it, here's what you don't do:

• You don't allow our players to find out from ESPN that you're leaving before you tell them.
• You don't announce you're leaving in a 90-second press conference after the evening news so that you can slink out of town under the cover of darkness.
• You don't show up to the press conference in a baggy golf shirt and shorts.
• You don't allow your assistant coach to stand at the back of the room on his cell phone during your press conference and try to poach our new recruits.
• You don't show up the next day for your new job at a big, live, fancy press conference - in a suit - and tell them that you really had no choice but to leave because our coaching job is "a top 15 job," but this new one is "a number 1 job."

Oh, but he did all of those things plus other devious and rodent-esque things that have come out since.

The silver lining is - as tends to happen in these situations - the worst behavior of a few has brought out the best behavior in many. Because being a team in the SEC is much like being a brother in a family of twelve large, unruly, brutish boys who are hell-bent on beating the crap out of each other all day. That is, until the bully from down the street tries to pick a fight with one of you. Reading the comments on the posts at my favorite Tennessee sports blog warmed my little orange heart:

(From a KY fan) "I hate it for you guys, honest.... you didn't deserve this."

"Gators Fan Here. I never liked Lane Kiffin at all, but this goes beyond the pale. I feel badly for you guys and can only hope karma kicks in sooner rather than later.

"From a Tide Fan: Good riddance to that egomaniac. Your school deserves a lot better than that."

"From a Dawg Fan... I am sorry for ya’ll. It’s a cold wind on Rocky Top tonight, but it will get better."

But the icing on the cake didn't come from the SEC. Surprisingly it came from the PAC-10. Turns out, there are many UCLA fans who have now sworn allegiance with the Volunteers. I think I'll be doing the same in return:

"A Bruin Fan here: Vol fans are some of the best opposing fans I’ve come across and I can’t believe you guys have to deal with this kind of spineless, soulless, gutless BS...You guys will bounce back and it’s going to be a joy to watch."

"From Bruin fan: Keep your chin up Vols!!! I admire your passion for your team. I was not able to travel to Knoxville for the UCLA/UT game but had many friends that did. They all had nothing but great things to say about TN. With that being said, you guys will be better off without Kiffin. Please join the BruinNation in enjoying kicking the crap out of USC and Kiffin!! Best of luck to you guys!"

And I have to admit - this one had me a bit verklempt:

"Let me first say that my family has a place in their heart for the wonderful hospitality of the Vol Nation when we visited Neyland stadium this past year.

Before, during and after the game we were blown away by the truly royal and gracious treatment we were given. From the Rocky Top welcome of the football team by the band and thousands of fans, to the zeal of Neyland stadium, to the unbelievable class of your fans in defeat, we could not get over the entire, wonderful, Tennessee experience. That’s what college football should be about, and you guys and gals are all class.

Just remember, you’re better off. He would have tainted your program forever. No doubt you will replace him with a better man very soon. Don’t worry about revenge. Leave that to us back here in Bruintown. It will be our pleasure. GO VOLS!"

So, Mr. Kiffin, I guess what it comes down to is this - if you don't want to be here, then we don't want you here. Eventually I hope to see it in such simple terms and can say it without grinding my teeth. Until that time comes... I hope you enjoyed our Southern Hospitality while it lasted. And I hope you enjoy your new job while it lasts.

But most of all, I hope you remember what you said at the beginning of last season - about how you couldn't wait until you got to hear "Rocky Top" all night long. Because I have a feeling the UCLA band is practicing it as we speak.

GO VOLS!

GO BRUINS!

Ain't No Place I'd Rather Be

"In the East, college football is a cultural exercise;
On the West Coast, it is a tourist attraction;
In the Midwest, it is cannibalism;
But in the South, it is religion."

- Marino "Godfather" Casem

"If you live in Tennessee or Alabama,
there are two rules to live by:
Don't get married on the third Saturday in October,
and try not to die -
because in either case, the preacher might not show."

- Beano Cook

These thoughts might explain why I treat the fall with the same level of discipline and reverence, if not more so, than Lent and why I consider this week to be the college football equivalent of Holy Week (sorry, Jesus). Sure, we've got other games after this week, but - as you've heard me mention a million times before - this is the week leading to the Third Saturday in October. It's the 92nd meeting of the universities of Tennessee and Alabama. This is the epitome of SEC football - and one of the all-time greatest rivalries in all of college football.

The first game was played in 1901 and ended in a 6-6 tie when the fans stormed the field to protest a call by the officials and started a small riot.

The civility has not improved in the years since.

I was once at a game where fans nearly went over the wall after two Alabama players who were warming up on the field while Tennessee's Pride of the Southland Marching Band was performing the end of their halftime show. People screamed and yelled at the players to get off the field. An official came and told them to get off the field. They did. The official walked off. The players sauntered back onto the field and started tossing the ball around over the heads of some band members. People went completely ballistic. I was suddenly torn between fearing for the two players' lives and really hoping a Sousaphone player would just swing around and take one of them out.

That said, I don't despise Alabama like I do Florida. I don't dread the feeling of losing to Alabama like I do when we lose to Florida. I want the Alabama game to be a bloodbath of Roman Colosseum proportions on the field and a gracious handshake when its all over that honors the tradition we all just participated in. Whereas Florida... even if they win, I want those Gators to have suffered so miserably for four quarters that they cry on camera during the post-game press conference.

The Florida game is played in early September when its still hot and humid as all hell, just adding to the dank and icky feeling you have about the whole event. In contrast, you can't find a prettier setting for a football game than Knoxville in October (Tuscaloosa isn't too bad either, I hear). The days are crisp and cool and sunny and the maple trees all agree in the importance of the game as they've all turned into the teams' colors of crimson and orange by this time. It is college football at its finest.

(It's actually been a lot more than cool and crisp here - poor Oliver's been hiding under quilts and blankets. I assume it's because he's cold, but it could be that he's knows what week this is and is afraid that I'll dress him in orange again...)

The game is back on national TV this year, as God intended (CBS 2:30c / 3:30e). The weather for Saturday afternoon in Tuscaloosa is supposed to be 62 and sunny. Alabama is currently ranked #1 and I don't have any real expectation of winning - but you never know. Stranger things have happened. Speaking of strange... I'll end with my pick for this week's Hail Mary Haiku contest over at Rocky Top Talk. An homage to Japanese poetry, the Grateful Dead, and a great college football tradition. Nice.

We will survive the

Alabama Getaway

signed, Tennessee Jed

GO VOLS!

Not Just Any 'Ole Friday

Yesterday was Responsible Dog Owner Day according to my Google iPage (and you know how much I love to consult it for All Things Useful and Important).

Tomorrow is the Tennessee-Florida game.

So (in case you were wondering) that makes today Somewhat Irresponsible Dog Owner / Dear God You Know How Much The World Despises Those Web-Footed Swamp-Sucking Cretins So Could You PleasePleasePlease Find It Within Your Power To Make My Boys In Orange Play Well Enough To Win Or At Least Well Enough Not To Suck As Much As They Did Last Week Day.

And to celebrate this auspicious occasion. I give you (once again) dogs in festive orange outfits:



Elsie and Oliver ask that you send help and/or let them know when it's basketball season.

Go Vols!

What I Learned This Summer Part Five

5. Baseball and Shakespeare Just Don't Cut it


I love the romance and tradition of our American Pastime. It's so unlike our other big sports and that's part of what I love. You stand around and chat a lot. You can chew gum. You go inside if it rains. You play until you're done. None of this running around to beat the clock business. It's almost zen-like. Even more so with a cold beer. It's good.

And I love Shakespeare. I especially love it performed on a hopefully not-quite-so-muggy-but-who-are-we-kidding-here August evening, in a park, sitting on a blanket with snacks and a bottle of wine and good friends. I love that a group of local actors get together every summer and pull off a major feat of memorization and creativity and all you have to do to see it is show up and toss a donation into a bucket.

Baseball and Shakespeare in the Park. These are both great and wondrous things.

But they're not college football.

I try. I try so hard to love these quintessential summertime traditions. And I do love them. But the heart wants what it wants and my whole body literally twitches with anticipation at every scrimmage report, recruiting update, release of pre-season rankings and press conferences to put to rest what color our uniforms are going to be.

No, I'm not kidding.

There were rampant reports at one point this summer that we would be changing to black uniforms. I was all, "Really?! Is it not enough we have a new head coach who looks and dresses and runs his damn mouth like some cocky little 13 year-old? Is the plan to completely do away with everything else that is good and holy now too? Are you trying to kill me? Black uniforms? While we're at it, why don't we just send poor Smokey to the pound and get some slobbery bulldog or some stupid rooster to be our mascot instead. Or better yet, why don't we just eliminate all of our traditions in one fail swoop and at the first game drag ole Davy Crockett out to the 50 yard line and shoot him with his musket."

Honestly. There was a difficult day in July when I really thought my head might explode...

Good thing it all turned out to be a rumor, huh. It's been a sensitive summer in Big Orange Country.

The best moment of the summer though, came from my Google Reader. I have a special section on it for UT football blogs and news feeds. I try to ignore the little tab at the bottom of my computer screen as I'm working as it's updating the total number of stories I have waiting for me (there are sections for legitimate news too!). Usually it just increases one or two every few minutes unless something big happens. The other day I glanced down and watched as the story count jumped by 6 or so. Then by another 5. And then another 5. I kind of panicked thinking some big, world event had occurred or another celebrity had died.

So I opened the tab. All the new stories were in the UT Football section. The cause: the new Jumbotron at the stadium was almost completely up and they were running test pictures. People were taking photos of it from the street with their cell phones and posting it to their blogs. Hilarious. I shook my head in amusement as I opened the first few.

Then there was a post with the picture of one of the screens that contained two words - a play on our famous saying, "It's football time in Tennessee!" that is shouted by 107,000+ at the beginning of every game (and by several hundred other thousand in front of their TVs and radios).

The screen simply read, "It's Time," (spelled with the Power T, of course). Don't know the marketing team behind that bit of genius, but it perfectly sums up the end of a long summer, the hope of a new season and the promise of a new era.

Cocky new coaches and rumors of black uniforms be damned, I have to admit I got a little goose-bumpy.

And I'm not the only one. The caption under the photo read, "Amen."

Amen, indeed.

Here's to the official end of summer. And, of course, GO VOLS!

Thank You

Thanks to you for enduring my wallowing this past week.

Thanks to Phil for everything.

I won't be rambling on and on today (you can stop cheering now). I will only leave you with a link to someone who is far more eloquent on the subject.

http://www.rockytoptalk.com/2008/11/28/674572/phillip-fulmer-s-last-game

I've been lurking on his website for a long time now. I was first drawn to it by the football, of course, but keep reading because of how smart and funny and insightful it is. One of the many reasons being the weekly Hail Mary Haiku Contest.

That's right. College football fans, from Tennessee no less, ('cause in case you haven't heard from the rest of the country, we don't do much learnin' down here) spend time each week during football season crafting a poem in the traditional Japanese style. They are often quite hilarious and sometimes touching. This weeks winner is several stanzas and dedicated to Phil. The post also contains the complete letter of resignation Phil read at his press conference. You might not like sports - or am sick of hearing me talk about it - but it's nice to see someone so dedicated to his job, his players, his school and his state.

GO VOLS!!!

P.S. AuntieM: yes, I do belong to a local support group. There are several thousand of us in it. Our activity this week is to drive east on I40 and join the other 100,000 in Knoxville :)

My Guys

In case you haven't guess, 1998 was pretty much the epitome of Coach Fulmer's career. Everything about that year had something unique and memorable. I've gone on about it being John Ward's last year. The improbable wins against Florida and Arkansas. The national championship itself. But the main thing that stands out for me that year were the players. We didn't have any "superstars" on our team like a Peyton Manning. Our quarterback was Tee Martin. He was a great quarterback, but didn't get a lot of attention and didn't really like standing in the spotlight. Another was a linebacker named Al Wilson. In addition to being a huge, bone-crushing defenseman, he was the heart and soul of that team and probably one of the main reasons they felt inspired to accomplish things that people said they couldn't.


I love Peyton Manning - this is certainly not news - but truth be told, he will never occupy the place reserved in my heart for Tee Martin and Al Wilson. Every fall for the next few years after they graduated - and well, even now - we start getting excited about the start of the football season and then I stop and am a little bit sad and think "I miss Al Wilson." Or, especially this year, "I wish Tee Martin was here."

I don't have to miss Peyton - he's on a television commerical at least once a day and NBC reruns his "Saturday Night Live" show whenever they get a chance.


Both Al and Tee went onto the NFL. Tee Martin's career lasted a few years and he has gone on to be a successful quarterback coach. Al's lasted a decade and he retired at the begining of this season from the NFL and the Denver Broncos as a five-time player in the Pro Bowl.


The news media likes jump on stories of either the celebrity football players like our Manning boys or the notorious ones like Michael Vick. But for every player in the NFL that's in a commercial or on trial, there are many more out there just doing there job and going about their business everyday without any fanfare. Yes, I know they're getting paid millions of dollars to go about their business, but it's a side we never get to see and one that I think should get more attention.

Pandemonium Reigns

Tennessee has certainly had its share of heart-pounding, nail-biting games in my lifetime. The 1982 Alabama game and the Miracle at South Bend are two of the more-notorious. But while those two games were incredibly exciting, they both occurred before Phil was head coach, so I'm going to stick with my rule and only mention a few from last 17 years.

First, it is important to remember that while Tennessee has its rightful place in the history of college football and has earned its spot as one of the top teams in SEC history, we haven't gotten there with a lot of flash, brawn or sophistication. No matter how good we may be on paper we find ourselves, more often than not, as underdogs and in the position of having to come from behind in the second half.

We aren't the team heaving the ball down the field late in the fourth quarter in an attempt to run up the score on our opponent (coughFloridacough). No, we're the team heaving the ball down the field late in the fourth quarter in an attempt to come back from a 21 point deficit and tie the game with four seconds left on the clock. It makes for stressful spectating and fans prone to anxiety attacks. I'm actually surprised that Zoloft doesn't advertise in our stadium and/or come in a little orange and white checkerboard bottle. That said, if I had to choose between these two scenarios for the kind of team Tennessee would continue to be, I'd still take the later every time.

If you'd like an example of one of these games, I wrote a blow-by-blow account of last year's Tennessee / Kentucky game that went into maaaaany overtimes and almost resulted in a case of elder abuse.

Two other very notable examples come from the 1998 season. We went undefeated that year but not without trying REALLY hard to go at least 11-2. As I've mentioned, we also won a national championship that year. But when I think back about that year, that game in the Fiesta Bowl was not the highlight. Nice. Very nice. But not the highlight. The highlights for me were the Florida and Arkansas games.

In the Arkansas game we looked destined to lose. It was upsetting. I was in graduate school and invited friends over to watch the game. It was Arkansas, after all, usually a pretty sure thing. But in typical fashion we tried every which way possible to lose the game. It was close, but Arkansas was ahead and had the ball and time was running out. I was in deeply disgruntled and had gone into the kitchen to clear some dishes and make a cold compress for my forehead. Suddenly I heard my friends screaming from the other room.

"THEYDROPPEDITTHEYDROPPEDITTHEYDROPPEDIT!!"

I went running back into the room and learned that Arkansas had indeed fumbled the ball and we had recovered. All was not lost after all and in the end we won.

Ahhh, but I tell the stories out of order... even more amazingly, just a few short weeks prior to that, I was alone in that same apartment watching what looked like it was going to be the 12th consecutive ass-kicking of Tennessee by the Florida Gators. But somehow. SOMEHOW. We tied the game and went into overtime. My mother, step-father and aunt were at the game. I, as I mentioned, was in my apartment - alone - in a tiny corner of Ohio. I had called their cell phone a couple of times and when they answered all you could hear was screaming.

Tennessee had first possession, managed to score a field goal, and went up by three. The Webbed-Footed Minions of Hell had the next possession. I figured all hope was lost, a touchdown was imminent, and tried not to have a stroke.

But our defense held. Florida had to kick a field goal. A gimme that would send us into a second overtime. A second overtime that was likely to spell the end of our exhausted team that had already beaten all odds to make it this far. I tried to be positive. I watched the kick through my fingers that were covering my face.

No good. The kick was no good.

I paused, stunned for a second. Then my body began involuntarily screaming and running around my living room as I watched thousands of sweaty, long-suffering, orange-clad lunatics spill over the walls around the field like fire ants, swarm the goal posts and bring them down within just a few seconds.

Someone knocked on my door. It was my neighbor in the next apartment and when he realized I was NOT being attacked by an axe murderer he came inside to watch the spectacle unfold on the television himself.

I found out much later that it took my parents and aunt four hours to get back to my step-grandmother's house five miles from the stadium. That the two young guys sitting in the seats next to them took off running down the second the game was won and they watched them dive over the wall. That the goal posts I watched being brought down were then carried out of the stadium and up the main thoroughfare that runs through campus. That the radio play-by-play of John Ward had him nonchalantly calling the kick and assuming, like we all did, that it would go into a second overtime only to have him stop, speechless, take it all in and say:

"NO. SIR. EE! NO. SIR. EE!... TENNESSEE 20! FLORIDA 17! PANDEMONIUM REIGNS!"

This doesn't do it justice, of course, but go here to listen to the call and see photos from that night (just scroll to the bottom). You don't have to be a Tennessee fan to enjoy it. Hell, you don't even have to be a sports fan at all. Regardless, it's been a nice memory during this long, long season.

Give Him Six

On with the trips down my orange-clad memory lane...

In 1998 Tennessee won a national championship. Good, yes, but not why I'm remembering it at this moment. It's because it was also John Ward's last year announcing the games. Since before I was born - and especially in the days before cable - your only option on most Saturdays was to listen to John Ward announce the game on the radio.

He was one of the all-time best. And you eventually learned, after listening to the radio and then later seeing a replay on TV during the news that night, that he was quite good at extending the drama and increasing the suspense. To hear it on the radio it would be "Tennessee has the ball and it's down to the 20... the 15... he's still on his feet at the 10... scrambling to the 5... 4.... 3... 2... 1... Give... Him.... Six.... Touchdown Tennessee!" Of course, in real time, had you been watching it live on TV, we scored back when John said we were on the 15. But we didn't care.

Early in 1998 John Ward announced that he would retire at the end of the season. Most of my family attended the last home game. We knew there would be some acknowledgement and ceremony to honor Ward's last home game, but we didn't know what it would be. It turned out that instead of the marching band, the halftime entertainment was Kenny Chesney performing a song he'd written for the occasion. And, while my lack of love for Mr. Chesney is no secret, it was a heartfelt tribute. At the end of the song he looked up toward the press box and pointed to John Ward. John stood and waved at the crowd and spontaneously the 100,000 or so fans sitting in the stadium waved back.

Super-cheesy? Perhaps. But in my big coffee table book about the history and traditions of Tennessee football (What? You mean you don't have one in your living room?) I usually can't get past the chapter about John Ward. I can never not read that section and yet when I get to the end and the description of his last game I am always too choked up to continue and just function under the assumption that the rest of the book is good as well.

I tried to find an audio or video clip of John Ward that would embed but no luck. I did of course find the Kenny Chesney song. Here it is. Never doubt the lengths I will go to or the suffering I will endure for the love of my Vols.

Strike up the Band

So my boys in orange kept up their end of the deal and got themselves a win. It's been a long time coming. That it happened against Vanderbilt in their stadium is... well... admittedly even better.

Like I said, after everything they've been through I was so happy with the fact they were playing well that in the second quarter when Eric Berry intercepted the ball and ran it back 45 yards for a touchdown - I almost cried.

At the end of the game when the TV reporter asked Coach Fulmer about this being his next-to-last game and he got all choked up - I did cry.

I can't help it. This is going to be a hard week. Saturday is Coach Fulmer's last game at Tennessee and I'm going to be there in person. The only game I'm able to attend this year and if there was only going to be one, then I'm glad this is going to be the one.

I plan to honor the week leading up to it by listing some of my favorite memories from the last 17 years that Philly's been the coach.

Today, it is from the 1997 season. I was at the last home game of the year. If we won we made it to the SEC Championship game. We did. And in celebration Peyton Manning and Leonard Little ran a lap around the stadium carrying the orange Tennessee flag and the red, white and blue flag state flag while the crowd chanted S-E-C.

Then Peyton put down the flag, walked over to the drum major for the Pride of the Southland and hugged him. A few seconds later, he climbed the drum major's ladder and proceeded to conduct the band in a round of "Rocky Top" while everyone sang along.

For the Record

I just wanted it in writing now - at 1:15pm during halftime of the Tennessee / Vanderbilt game - that even if Tennessee loses, as long as they keep playing like they've played this first half I will be happy with the outcome.

Play smart, try hard, don't suck. That's all I ask. So, win or lose, you've done me proud so far.

And Pride of the Southland broke out the circle drill - at an away game - so if nothing else we did win halftime.

Keep up the good work fellas! Do it for Philly!

GO VOLS!!!!

A Bittersweet Day

I think it's safe to say I've been waiting for this day for eight years. At the same time, for a different reason, it's a day I had hoped wouldn't happen for several more years. The two aren't really connected as far as most people can see, I guess. But, in my heart they are.


1. "Democracy is not a spectator sport"

I love to vote. I live for tradition and ritual. It's fairly safe to say that I'm a sap. A proud sap, indeed. My love of voting comes from a love of country as well as a love of state, city and community. When voting in my first presidential election, while in college in Ohio, I made the extra effort to vote absentee in Tennessee. I wasn't going to let my first presidential vote count for any other state. I also made one of my roommates, a Republican, sign as my witness that I voted for Bill Clinton and Al Gore. My love of voting, country, state and city also includes love of irritating the beejeezus out of any Republicans still willing to claim me as a friend or relative.

To mark the occasion I re-watched the Northern Exposure episode "Democracy in America." The quote from this title comes from this episode as does this (from my beloved Cicely radio personality, Chris "in the Morning" Stevens, of course):

"Today every runny nose I see says 'America' to me. We were outcasts, scum, the wretched debris of a hostile, aging world. But we came here, we built roads, we built industry, powerful institutions. Of course along the way... we basically stained our star spangled banner with a host of sins that can never be washed clean. But today we're here to celebrate the glorious aspect of our past. A tribute to a nation of free people. The country that Whitman exalted:

'The genius of the United States is not best or most in its executives or legislators, nor in its ambassadors or authors or colleges or churches or parlors or even in its newspapers or inventors, but always most in the common people.'

I must go out now and fill my lungs with the deep clean air of Democracy."


2. "He Will Always Be My Coach"

I haven't been writing about football much this year, but there hasn't been much to write about that was good. And I spend enough time on here griping and complaining already and goodness knows that there are plenty of other people out there on the interwebs running their mouths with their opinions about what's gone wrong and what should be done. My love and devotion to my state and my team isn't any less, I just didn't want to add my negativity to the mix.

Yesterday, however, Tennessee Head Football Coach, Phillip Fulmer, announced that he would not be returning next season. I don't know what to say. On the one hand I'm not surprised. On the other I am heartbroken. Much like my post a few weeks ago comparing the destruction of Yankee Stadium to a greater dysfunction in our culture, I think this speaks to much the same. I don't know for a fact, but I have a pretty good feeling that on election day, Coach Fulmer and I would not be in agreement, but this I do know:

Coach Fulmer is from Winchester, Tennessee. He was a student and football player at the University of Tennessee and played his first game in 1969. As an adult he was an assistant coach for Tennessee and then has spent the last 17 years as the head coach. His record today is 150-51. During the height of his career in the 90s, his record is 75-5. Student athlete after student athlete has praised Coach Fulmer over the years for mentoring them, for helping them through difficult times, and for being the father that some of them never had.

These days his record is not as good and it has been extremely disappointing. Yes, you could maybe argue that he's off his game. He's past his prime. He's too stubborn and unwilling to change with the times. But you can't argue that he's not a good coach. And more importantly, that he's not a good man, because his love of our state and our university and the boys that come to play for him is undeniable. Many of the people that have been calling for Coach Fulmer to resign are the same people that I spoke of in my earlier post. Those who don't value tradition or history. You're not going to find a new coach with the same knowledge and respect for being a Tennessee Volunteer that Coach Fulmer has. And maybe we'll win more games, but we also may lose a top five recruiting class who is already committed to Tennessee in the face of dismal season because of the kind of person they see in Coach Fulmer. I guess we'll have to see.

There are all kinds of things being written about this right now that have touched my sappy heart and that I'm sure I'll be bombarding you with at a later date. But I think Peyton Manning has said all that needs to be said for now.

"This is a sad day for the Tennessee family. Nobody loves the University of Tennessee more than Coach Fulmer... I will always be indebted to him for the impact he has made on my life and my football career. I know I speak for hundreds of players when I say it was an honor to have played for him at UT. I am fortunate to have played four years for one of the greatest coaches in the history of college football. His legacy at Tennessee will be that he built men and won championships. He will always be my coach."

Today's Post is Brought to You by...

The letter

And the number

It's GrEIGHT to be a Tennessee Vol!

Thank you to the Tennessee men's and women's basketball teams for a great season.

In other news....

Only 9 days 23 hours and 8 minutes

Heh Heh

GO VOLS!!

Week in Review

It has been an odd few days. Full of ups and downs and what-the's and huh's. Weather, work, sports, politics, television, you name it. Frankly, it's been more than my big melon head can grasp and therefore had to be helped along by a couple of cocktails last night.

Sunday - Super Bowl.
How the hell did that happen? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I have great love and admiration for the Manning family and enjoy that the SEC continues to rise to the top even in the pros. I'd also like to point out that the last two Superbowl champion quarterbacks aren't just brothers, they also had the same assistant/head coach, David Cutcliffe. Duke, you might want to pay attention.

Monday - An enjoyable day at work.
Huh? Well, it wasn't for my regular job, so that might explain things a bit. Turns out it makes a difference in a person's overall mental health to be treated like they are capable and competent and told that they're appreciated. Fascinating. Who knew?

Tuesday - Emotional rollercoaster.

• 8:00 am - I get to vote! What's better is I get to choose between two candidates that I genuinely like and think would do a great job.
• 6:30 pm - The Republicans in my state look like they're finally going to remove their collective heads from their collective asses and NOT vote for the guy who freely admits he doesn't believe in evolution. My faith in society (or at least the conservative part of my state's society) has been restored!
• 6:32 pm - Oh wait... no... they did anyway... Huckabee wins Tennessee. Heads and faith back to original position, please.
• 7:00 pm - It's Shrove Tuesday / Fat Tuesday / Pancake Night at church (YEA!), but I'm too tired from my day to drag my lazy ass out of the house in time to get both pancakes AND watch basketball at my mother's house. So I choose basketball (BOO! Well, God says BOO, I say sometimes you have to choose between church and the Vols and that God should be understanding and sing Rocky Top instead)
• 8:00 pm - Tennessee men's basketball team is looking pretty awful against Florida.
• 9:15 pm - Tornado sirens start going off and our county goes under a tornado warning. I sit in the bathroom for half an hour with my sister-in-law and niece and occasionally my brother, who pops in every so often to give us updates on the game. See, I'm not the only one. Church vs. the Vols. Mother Nature vs. Vols. Sometimes you have to make choices.
• 9:45 pm - Tennessee comes back and puts a serious smackdown on Florida.
• 10:30 pm - I go home and sit in the 3ft x 5ft /only interior/non-windowed part of my house with two dogs and watch the news as multiple tornadoes destroy portions of my state and kill many people.

Wednesday - Ash Wednesday.
Too tired and upset from the previous night to get much done, but also don't make it to Ash Wednesday service like I should. God can legitimately boo me on this one.

Thursday - Margaritas and LOST.
Drinks first and then watched a tape of LOST. And, unlike the Republican primary in my state, it actually does restore my faith a bit (LOST, not the tequila). In our society of really horrible and dumbed-down everything - books, music, television, movies and presidential administrations - this continues to be one of the most complex, fascinating and intelligent pieces of anything I've seen my country produce in a very long time. I shouldn't get all verklempt about a television show, but sometimes you have to take what you can get. The tequila's not bad either.

Friday - Penalty Bulldogs: Unstatesmanlike Conduct.
Some yahoo state legislator in Georgia wants to redraw the Tennessee / Georgia border a mile further north and just coincidentally (I'm sure) to the banks of the Tennessee River. What? You've sucked dry all of your own water PLUS all that you've stolen from Florida and Alabama so now you're coming after ours? Is this legislator named C. Montgomery Burns? Are you also planning to construct a giant shade to take away our sunlight? How about you just stop praying for rain and paving over shit and start trying to solve your own problems without pissing off your neighbors? Because I have to tell ya, the Volunteer State has kicked your ass over silly things like footballs and basketballs in the past few months so don't think we wouldn't do it over water.

Saturday - Don't know what's in store, but I think I'm better off just pretending the week ends on Friday.

Another Season Over

Sniff!

Good-bye College Football. See you next year.

My wailing and gnashing of teeth hasn't been too bad so far this year. Granted, I'm like 30 minutes into the post-season, but hey, that's a start! I've gradually gotten more involved with NFL football so that's helped to soften the blow the last couple of seasons. It's kind of like methadone for my college football addiction, weening me from the dearth in my Saturday schedule, gradually moving me to Sundays and games I'm far less invested in, then placating me with the Superbowl.

Until suddenly, I'm not so twitchy anymore.

But to recap...

Yes, my Boys in Orange broke their bowl game losing streak with a win over Wisconsin. Whew! I haven't written anything about it for fear that it didn't really happen. At my mother and stepfather's house where my brother, his wife and I were watching, there was a great deal of yelling - out of elation one second, frustration the next - so I take that as a sign of a good game. That last big play (less than a minute on the clock; Wisconsin has the ball and a touchdown wins the game for them; they throw the ball into the end zone but Adrian Wardlow intercepts it) there were people in a couple of different rooms in the house, and yet it all sounded something like this:

DeterminationAgressionTerrorBriefSecondOfDisbeliefUncotrollableElation&Screaming

Or

DEEEEEEFENNNSECOMEONDEEEEEFENNNNNSEGETTEMGETTEMGETTEMGETTEMACKINTERCEPTIONINTERCEPTIONWHAAHAAHAAINTERCEPTIONINTERCEPTIONWOOHOO

It was a maddening yet exciting game that perfectly reflected a maddening yet exciting year. Thanks fellas. I had a great time. My cardiologist will be sending you a bill later in the year though, so for everyone's sake, lets see if we can't keep the drama down a bit next season.

As for the rest of the SEC - GOOD JOB!! Except you, Florida (Arkansas is excused). Don't get me wrong, I'm just glad it wasn't us ruining the Bowl Record this year, but you not only had to go and lose to the Big 10, but you lost to Michigan!?! I'm sorry, but that's worse than us losing to Penn State last year.

More importantly though, LSU wins the National Championship! Geaux Tigers... or whatever it is they say. I'm just glad they won. No offense to my Buckeye brethren. After all, I did root for your team last year against Florida, but this year I couldn't break with conference loyalty. And I have to make a big cheeseball admission and say I got a bit verklempt when I heard the LSU crowd toward the end of game chanting SEC-SEC.

But I also have to admit to being very un-Christian/Zen/Whatever-like when I saw LSU's team crowded around the Fox Sports desk/stage thing on the sidelines after the game chanting again - not LSU, but SEC - and right into the ear on Eddie George's very Big 10, Buckeyed, bald head. Heh Heh.

That's right. A two-for-one deal. Spite and alliteration. It was a productive night for me.

So there you go. Good game. Good season. TTFN College Football.

Anyone know what time the Lady Vols game is on tomorrow??

GO SEC!! GO VOLS!!

Badgers? We Don't Need no Stinkin' Badgers!

Unless they taste like chicken!*

GO VOLS!!

BEAT WISCONSIN!!

*Or treats, or socks, or paper from the recycling bin.

Also, you'll notice that they are not posed together for the photo because whichever one happened to have the tshirt on tried to choke and/or pull the other one around the room by the scarf.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! and once again GO VOLS!

But They Wore the Orange Pants and Everything...

I'm waaaay late in posting this, but hey, I'm not dooce or amalah - this endeavor ain't the one keepin' the lights on and the 'fridge stocked with Diet Coke...

LSU beat UT in the SEC Championship. Bummer.

Not that I don't like winning or didn't think we could have won, but truthfully, I was just thrilled that we made it to the game considering the "frustrating" season we started out with.

But then I went and subjected myself to the various message boards and news article comments out there on the internets and apparently just being bummed-out and mildly disappointed is not acceptable. Apparently I should be full of all kinds of vile and nasty opinions and hurling insults about - especially if I'm not even a fan of either of the two teams actually in the game. What gives!?!

Maybe my priorities are all out of whack, but my top five goals for football each season are as follows:

1. National Championship

2. Bowl Game - preferably Sugar

3. SEC Championship

4. SEC East Title

5. Beat Florida and/or Alabama

According to my records, I got two out of five this year. And that's better than any other given day in my life, so I'm good.

I don't have a play by play or many family antics to regale you with this time unless you count my brother running around in his "vintage" UT shirt prior to the game and yelling "Sugar Bowl, baby!" But I do have a few people to acknowledge:

Person in Need of a Naughty Chair: Demonte Bolden. As a member of a UT defensive squad that, quite frankly, sucked much of the beginning of the season, I really don't know where you get off insulting your offense during a press conference. Shame. On. You.

Person I'd Want in My Corner Any Day: Xavier Mitchell (look - his neck is almost wider than his head!). After the game, when the media was bearing down on Erik Ainge with their cameras, he tried to stop them. Some reports have him getting too rough with a reporter. I don't usually condone violence and if he crossed the line, some punishment should come his way, but his reasons for doing so have some merit in my opinion.

Needs to be Whacked on the Nose with a Rolled Up Newspaper: ESPN and Kirk Herbstreit. Seriously. Don't you all EVER get tired of being so recklessly annoying? Breaking a news story without substantial information about Miles leaving for Michigan, just so you can announce it the morning of his conference championship game, is - at best - tacky. All you did was reignite conspiracy theories about how vengeful and spiteful people think you are. As a reporter that's a former Buckeye, were you trying to take a jab at the former Michigan assistant coach that helped to beat you. Repeatedly. Or as a network that spends most of its time kissing the asses of the Big 10 and Pac 10 did you just want to disrupt an SEC Championship being played on another network? OR are you all collectively just incompetent and unprofessional? Please let us know which it is, the suspense is killing me...

The Clinton and Stacey Two Thumbs Up Award: The University of Tennessee Volunteer Football Team and their Big Orange Britches. Way to be bold, boys. I like it. You may not have scored the points you needed to win the game, but if style points counted, you'd have killed 'em.

Best Show of Class: Post game press conference with Phillip Fulmer, David Cutcliff, Erik Ainge and Arian Foster. Ainge tried to take the blame for losing the game. Fulmer interrupted him to say that it wasn't his fault. Cutcliff blamed himself. Foster said in his interview that he tried to take the blame for losing the bowl game last year on a fumble but that the team wouldn't let him so he wasn't going to let Ainge do it either.

Worst Show of Class: Most of the Rest of the SEC East. Dear Lord. You would think we were a group of orange-panted terrorists that hijacked our way into this game and were expected to annihilate LSU. I, for one, have heard just about enough from the GatorDawgWildcatCommodore Contingency. If you're fans of an SEC East team who feels cheated that your team didn't get to play the game on Saturday, I would like to suggest a 4th grade math refresher course. If you're fans of an SEC East team with ZERO expectations of playing in the game and yet have gone out of your way to act a fool with joy as though LSU really pulled one over on us, I would suggest 1: paying attention 2: changing the channel to basketball and 3: shutting the hell up.

People I Feel Even Worse for: The Lady Vols, who beat #4 North Carolina the same day as the UT / LSU game and no one really even noticed. Sorry, Pat. Come January 2nd, I'm all Lady Vol. Please forgive me until then.

I'm sure I'll have more to say later about the impending Outback Bowl; why on earth you'd want a rodent for a mascot; why NPR's John Feistien needs to stop talking about football before my head explodes; or why the BCS is set up to allow teams that don't play a conference championship to be elligible for a national championship....

Until then - I just say GO VOLS!!

Scenes from a Grandmother / Grandaughter Weekend

OK, so this post is also about football. But here in the South - or at least in my family - you better know your football regardless of your gender or else you're going to be pretty lonely come Saturdays in the fall. And even if you're one or two of the four people who read this blog and DON'T like football (and you know who you are!), you might still enjoy a window into the weirdness that is my family tree.

This past Saturday, Tennessee played Kentucky and it went into QUADRUPLE FREAKIN' OVERTIME. I watched the game with my Grandmother, who I will just say, is one of the greatest and most unique grandmothers around. She is many of the traditional grandmothery things - a good cook, a good hostess, spoils her grandchildren, etc. So, it wasn't until I was in my late teens/early twenties that I figured out that she also enjoyed a lot of what, it turns out, are actually non-traditional grandmothery things, like smoking and cussing and drinking and gambling and watching sports. Who knew? But I digress...

The game: it was all kinds of exciting with unexpected and wacky things happening. Thinking about all of them now, I'm sure they're no longer as accurate or in quite the right order any more, but for the rest of eternity, here's how it will replay in my mind:

First Half
Tennessee is off to a great start. Touchdown on the first play.

Woo hoo! I'm enjoying this. Let's peruse one of the "Better Homes and Gardens" Granny has on the coffee table whilst we watch. Oh look, how to make your own Christmas stockings from dish towels...

Tennessee's touchdown is followed with another touchdown, a field goal and yet another touchdown. Half time.

My Grandmother and I discuss what we'll have for dinner after the game is over.

Second Half
On a long pass by Kentucky, their receiver and our defender simultaneously jump high in the air to try and catch the ball. With their arms interlocked, they both grab the ball at the same time. They both come down still holding onto the ball. They both fall to the ground, still with arms interlocked and death grips on the ball. Turns out that if two players simultaneously catch the ball and neither loses possession, the offense gets the ball.

Seriously?!?! Learn something new everyday, I suppose...

Then there are lots of other exciting events. Passes are intercepted, quarterbacks are sacked, penalties are called and the Wildcats eventually catch up. And before we know it, with less than a minute left in the game, Kentucky is about to score a touchdown and win.

How did this happen!?! Oh yeah, that's right, it's happened two other times this season.... I start to feel a bit nauseous and there's a throbbing in my head. It could be the game, or it could be my Grandmother's chain smoking or the fact that she keeps saying she's sure we're going to lose. OR it could be that I know my fate once the game is over is not to watch the Mizzou / Kansas game, but instead a Hallmark Channel movie, A Grandpa for Christmas. No. I'm not kidding.

On first down they throw to the end-zone. Incomplete, but with defensive pass interference, so they're moved closer to the goal line. We stop them on second down and on third down their quarterback drops the snap and is unable to get it together in time to score so they have to kick a field goal to tie and go to overtime.

Overtime. OK, I can handle a little overtime. Granny, however, says we should have just gone ahead and lost in regulation because we're just going to lose in overtime now so what's the point. I reminder her, with clinched teeth, that good Volunteers are faithful and positive Volunteers.

First overtime
Kentucky scores a touchdown and the extra point. Tennessee scores a touchdown via a reaching, twisting, diving catch in the corner, near the sideline which has to be reviewed because they're not sure he kept control of the ball. He did. And they make the extra point. Tied again.

I've now chewed part of my bottom lip off and can feel several hairs on my head turning white. Again, it could be the game, or it could be that my Grandmother has announced that, again, we are going to lose so she's just not going to watch the game any more and then goes about checking her numbers for the various football pools she has money on. I take a glance at the end table that separates us to make sure I can get to the remote if she decides to make a break for the Hallmark Channel.

Second overtime
We fail to score on our possession and Kentucky is unable to score a touchdown so they try to win the game with what looks to be an easy a field goal.

Darkness descends upon the land.

I've taken to chewing on the cuff of my sweatshirt so as not to chew completely through my bottom lip. Granny declares "they're going to kick that field goal and beat us." I finally lose my patience and (lovingly) yell "WELL MAYBE THEY'LL BLOCK IT, GRANNY! DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?!?"

And then, as if the heavens were listening, one of the shortest defensive lineman on our team jumps in the air AND BLOCKS THE KICK!!!!

I think one of my lungs just collapsed. But I manage to pull together enough oxygen to yell "WHAT'D I TELL YOU!!! NEVER GIVE UP, GRANNY, NEVER GIVE UP!!!" She's seems very happy, but I have a feeling I'm out of the will.

Eric Berry catches the blocked kick and is off and running toward our end zone for the touchdown, but is immediately - and brutally - yanked to the ground by his face mask. HOWEVER, because the heinous action occurred during change of possession in overtime, blah, blah, blah, and Jupiter is aligned with Mars, blah, blah, blah no penalty is assessed.

WTF!!! Fine. Whatever. I'm too exhausted to yell expletives at the referees. Bring on OT#3...

Third overtime
Kentucky scores a touchdown and has to try for the two-point conversion, but they miss. Tennessee scores a touchdown. They try for the two points and almost make it but Arian Foster can't hold onto the ball inbounds, and after the play, flings the football into the air out of frustration.

I'm with you, buddy, flingin' the TV Guide.

Unfortunately, that is considered unsportsmanlike conduct. But wait, the flagrant and vicious face mask take-down from earlier isn't a penalty, so we're good to go, the penalty won't be assessed, right!?! NO!?! Apparently dead ball fouls in overtime, blah, blah, blah, the square root of pi times the area of an isosceles triangle, blah, blah, blah, the penalty IS ASSESSED 15 YARDS!!

WTF²!!! I was still trying to figure out the whole, "when two players catch the ball at the same time and maintain control...." from back in the second half, let alone the previous bit of nonsense about the non-face-mask-penalty (which, have I MENTIONED, was flagrant?!?). I then place a pillow over my head so that I may either muffle my own screams of frustration or smother myself in a few seconds.

FOURTH OVERTIME
Good Gravy, I'm exhausted. Bring on A Grandpa for Christmas. I can't take any more...

I realize though that I need to just suck it up because my Boys in Orange are now into their fifth hour of playing and to add insult to injury, have to start on the 40 yard line instead of the 25 because of the penalty.

OH BUT WAIT... the first play and our quarterback throws an unexpected long pass to some guy I've never heard of - who we find out later, RAN THE WRONG ROUTE - but still manages to catch the ball and run it in for a touchdown. And they get the two point conversion.

Sweet Fancy Moses. I think I might pass out.

Kentucky drives down to the half-yard line and then barely gets in for a touchdown. But best they can do now is tie and extend our agony to a fifth overtime.

However, we all know what color God wears on Saturday, don't we? If not, I'll give you a hint. It ain't blue.

On the two point attempt, Kentucky's quarterback can't find a guy open and starts to run it in himself, but is sacked and fumbles the ball. Tennessee recovers. Game over. We're going to Atlanta. Let the mayhem begin.

I high-five Granny who yells,"I knew they would win!"

Some images from after the game, courtesy of http://www.govols.com/, http://www.utsports.com/ and http://www.tennessean.com/:

Philly and Coach Trooper Taylor when we won.

Lucas Taylor, after the game, with a tear of exhaustion
and/or elation streaming down his cheek.

One of our players who went to celebrate with the
UT fans after the game and was pulled into the crowd.

Players celebrating with the fans after the game.

More celebration. But please note Eric Berry on the left with Smokey.
Is there a better example of school and state pride than a
great big football player with his arm around some guy wearing a dog suit?
I don't think so.

GO VOLS!!!

Thursday Recap / Weekend Preview

"The Office": This week it was the perfect example of what I love about "The Office" and what I don't like so much. The whole Michael in the wilderness concept overall was kind of stupid - and a lame way to be part of NBC's "Green Week" (30 Rock did it perfectly and hilariously, however. Yea Al!). His antics while out in the forest were funny, but not what I love. The genius part was the whole Jim-in-charge / birthday scenario. Because who hasn't experienced this level of nonsense at work? Jim is both right and wrong; silly and making sense. Everyone else is also all of these things as well. I loved it! The best though - Jim's impression of Toby; Jim and Pam's quick exchange about meeting in the conference room; and then of course Michael somehow becoming the hero and cool boss at the end. And I loved all of the snippets of Michael scaring people for their birthday. So great.

Everything else on TV last night: Also great. "Grey's Anatomy" finally seems to be back to the original show that I love. I was a complete mess with the whole injured mother / adopted child story-line. But, I'm a mess when it comes to anything about orphaned/adopted children so that was kind of a given (I'm trying to decide if I can handle seeing Martian Child in the theater or not). Then, of course, it had to be followed up by one of my favorite Sex-in-the-City reruns of Miranda's wedding / Samatha's breast cancer / Carrie's pink Oscar de la Renta dress from The Russian.

The rest of life: I'm trying to get ready to be in a multi-person yard sale on Saturday with my friend, Claudia, and several of her girl friends that I've been getting to know. It's been great cleaning closets and looking for stuff to get rid of, but my house is so small that there's not an extra/empty corner - let alone room - to stack it all in. So, of course, it's in the living room, breakfast area and mud room / dogs' room. And believe you me, they are NOT happy to be sharing their den with crap I've dragged out of the garage. Apparently dirt and dust from foreign objects = bad; Own dirt and dust they've dragged in from the yard = good.

I love having yard sales. It's one of those quaint neighborhoody things that I always picture being very Martha Stewartish with mugs of cocoa, vintage kitchen items arranged on metal patio tables, old worn out chairs, etc. It never quite ends up that way, but it's still fun nonetheless.

All proceeds will be going to fund Sunday's Christmas Village outing with Katie and to a desperately-needed bike tune-up so that I can hopefully get my fat ass riding again.

Saturday is also the UT / Arkansas game. Don't really know what to think of this one. I figure it will either be a blow-out defeat a la the Alabama game or a down-to-the-wire-make-me-want-to-puke-last-minute victory like the South Carolina game. Not exactly looking forward to either. Not that it's going to keep me from watching either... GO VOLS!!!

Whew!

Well I guess ESPN got most of their money's worth. No Spurrier victory in the UT / SC game, but at least they got an overtime out of it. At some point, in the throes of heat stroke this summer maybe, I got rid of cable. Now I don't technically get ESPN. I do, however, get a pretty clear black and white ESPN without any sound - and you've always got the closed caption if you're desperate. Had I not been afflicted with some mystery virus and almost passed out in Lowe's earlier that day, I would have gone somewhere to watch the game. Desperate, I was.

My plan was to rest on the couch while watching it on mute with the radio for play-by-play. That worked well for the first half and our 21 unanswered points. The dogs obliged as I made Elsie sing Rocky Top. Well, she doesn't actually sing, but is trained to raise her paw at the "woo!" part. When she's not trying to ignore me for humiliating her with stupid pet tricks, that is. Oliver did cheers. He needs to make some use of those gangly front legs of his and spelling out V-O-L-S works nicely. (My mother also has a Basset Hound named Ray Charles that my brother will hold up and use his paws to make the referee hand motions. We're very talented.)

But anyway... full of confidence, I gathered a stack of magazines and some tea and settled in for the second half. Bad idea. SC's 24 unanswered points of the second half resulted in the exact opposite of what I would call restful. Instead what I WOULD call it is me throwing magazines, flailing my arms around, knocking my tea over and yelling "WHATTHEHELLYOU'VEGOTTABEFREAKINKIDDINGME"
"FORTHELOVEOFGODTACKLEHIM"

The poor dogs thought I was yelling at them. Well, Elsie did and put herself in "time out" in the mud room. Oliver kept sleeping. Thankfully we tied it up in the last few seconds and then won in overtime. It came down to SC's poor kicker who apparently had made something like a 60 yard field goal in the pregame warm-up but shanked the one that would have put us into double OT. Poor guy. I really do feel bad for him and the rest of the players. Not just because if you compare the stats, they totally out-played us, but because I'm sure Visor Boy made them all feel even worse in the locker room. (You know why he wears that visor, don't you? It's because ball caps won't fit, what with the little horns he has hidden under that toupee on his head.)

I'm glad we got the win, regardless of how much stress it caused my household. Unfortunately it means more idiotic comments from sports writers and commentators like "Vols control own fate" or "Vols in charge of their destiny." ("Um, hello, Sports Writer, have you met Dictionary? You two should really chat.") This week hopefully will not be a replay when we take on LA Lafayette. It's only on the radio or pay-per-view and I will be out and about most of the day. The dogs are very thankful.

Helpful Hint

(Despite losing a 21-point lead in the second half) The Tennessee bench, including Coach Phillip Fulmer, starts to celebrate after the 27-24 overtime win over South Carolina at Neyland Stadium in Knoxville. JAE S. LEE / STAFF

Dear Coaching Staff, Players, Trainers, Water Boys and Girls:

When you get to your desks on Monday, please take out a Post-it note and write down the following: "The University of Tennessee Volunteers are a SECOND HALF team."

Now, please stick that to either your refrigerator, computer monitor, or forehead.

Thank you,

Gert